Raw Transcript: Joe Rogan Experience #2389 - Sal Vulcano

Joe Rogan podcast. Check it out. The Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day. Joe Rogan podcast by night. All day. Yep. What up? What's up? What's up? Uh when was the last time I saw you? It was I was here promoting my special uh man. It was uh June of last year. Damn. Time flies. Yeah. Yeah. A [ __ ] whole year. Another child since then, even. Oh my goodness. Congratulations. Look at you out there breeding. Right. To the population. How old are you? Um 48. I'll be 49 in November. So did you do the math like when your kid's 20? Oh, bro. I've done every m every piece of math you could do. It's it's depressing. Healthy. Yeah. No, I am. That's exactly what happened. I started with a trainer four weeks ago and uh and and just did all this blood work and taking all these scans and tests and stuff now just because I'm like I have to Yeah. I have to be here as long as possible. It changes the game when you have children. Yeah, you can [ __ ] off and do coke and heroin and [ __ ] sleep. Yeah. Luckily, I was doing that. No, but soon as you have a kid, you're like, "Oh my god, I want to leave my kid." I was eating a cereal. I was like backing out of the driveway without looking. But like now, most of my Instagram algorithm is things that I shouldn't eat. Yeah. It's like sandwiches. Sandwiches and pizza. You have trouble with that stuff? No. No, not at all. No, I don't have trouble. Yeah. I just know it's not good for you. Yeah. Most mostly I eat good stuff. What's What's What's like a you Yeah. You're like an like like a egg white. No, I eat yolks. Okay. Yolks are the healthy part. Yolks? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I eat the whole egg, but I have chickens. Fresh eggs. Are you like a like do you have like a diet like an Olymp? Like are you like an Olympian? No. Are you like weighing your food and like No. No. No. No. No. No. I eat way too much. If I weighed my food, I'd be like I eat for a 300 lb man. Yeah. Well, is that cuz that's cuz of how much you exercise and stuff. It's that but also I'm a glutton. Yeah. I'm a glutton. But you could do it. Yeah, I can get away with it. But I do eat a lot. Like if I go out to dinner, I will eat a a large steak. I will have multiple sides. I will have multiple appetizers and then I look like I'm pregnant when I leave. You That's how you eat. Yeah. You just have it down. I [ __ ] eat I eat a lot of food, man. It's not It's not smart. How do you burn all your calories? Is it all train? Like you have is it all like jiu-jitsu stuff or whatever. I do a lot of working out, but I also do intermittent fasting. I'm just smart about when to be a glutton and then when to back off. Yeah. And I just don't keep my foot on the gas. That's all. But like when I go to New York, it's all Italian food. It's Italian food for like 3 days. You got to. You have to. I could eat it every day. I could too. It's a problem. It's a problem. It's all Italian subs and pasta. And you have favorite spots in New York? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I got a bunch of spots. I got a bunch of spots. I got a spot in Vegas, too. We were just at this uh place, Gaitanos. It's all handmade pasta with imported flour from Italy. We ate there after the fights. Oh my god, I love it. I have to go there. I'm going I'm I'm going through Vegas on I'm still touring the tour that I was here with Les that started in 24. I'm going through till all the way through 26. Oh, nice. Yeah. Damn. Yeah, I took like a three-month. Well, I took a break when I had my my ba been my new baby and then I took like a little bit of a like a six month, but now I'm like back at it full. I got a bunch of big shows coming up. So, I was like, let me get out there and like tell people I'm still alive. Yeah, you got you got to get out there if you want to do something because it's like, you know, if you just work in the city, you can't really put together an hour. No, I mean, I piece it together. I mean, I'm on I'm constantly on the road. I just I just went down just to have a little bit of a breather cuz we just finished uh rapping season 12 of of the show and so I was touring and doing the show and I had and I had a kid so it's like I just couldn't even and then we produced another show and all that [ __ ] in between. So it's like I just haven't been I went on hiatus on my podcast and stuff cuz I had to something had to give. So now it's like let me let me just get back out there and just now I'm not filming. I'm just really focusing on the tour and like a new pot I got coming out. When you do stand up, do you take guys with you that are your friends on the road? Yeah. That's the move. Yeah. All the time. That's the only way to go. It makes it it makes it fun. Yeah. Fun. As opposed to Yeah. You're with buddies. It's like a vacation that you get to work at. Yeah. If if I if I didn't, it's it can get it can get depressing fast. Real fast. If you're solo, super fast. If you're solo and you're working with local openers, especially if they they they're boring. Yeah. Yeah. And they're they're not fun to hang out with. Oh, yeah. That's in the club and the groom. I'm even talking about in like the hotel and stuff. Oh, that's bad, too. Yeah. You just got to find things to do. For me, it's always I I work out and I play pool. So, those are two things that occupy a lot of my time. So, that's good. I didn't work out and I didn't play pool. So, I'm I'm like I got I got this guy, right? And I'm like, um, all right. I'm weak. I have no stamina. I'm old and like I need to reverse all this, you know, like so like you're gonna start with me now and I'm I'm really gonna show you nothing. Like I Well, that's good. Yeah. That means you see where I am here. But that's good. Yeah. You'll be able to see progress. Yeah. It's always No matter where you're at, if you're thinking about working out, do it because it's a good place to start. No matter where you're at. If you're really fit, great. Good place to start. Get even more fit. If you're out of shape, great. Good place to start. Good place to start. Baby steps. Don't go too hard. Don't get hurt. Build up slow. Yeah. I got some blood work back and I was like, "All right, I need to change somebody's numbers." And like also I got like a It's like an in-depth blood work and like they like they told me all this extra stuff that I I couldn't have known. And one is I'm very susceptible to soft tissue injury. Oh, you're a [ __ ] Yeah, I'm a [ __ ] That's It said [ __ ] I was translating it. It it said [ __ ] on the paper and then this is how I make myself feel better about how do they determine whether you're soft tissue whether you're a [ __ ] or not. That doesn't even make any sense. I don't know. It just said I'm very susceptible to like like I guess whatever it is ligament bruising ligament like that kind of stuff. Well, that's just from years of not lifting weights. That's all that is. You think that's just changed my blood so that that's Yeah, 100%. Well, I told the guy and he's like, "All right, that's good to know." And then like like my sixth session, I like like we were doing that thing where like I throw a medicine ball down really hard and then like catch it and then swing it to him and like on the swing to him. I was like, "Ah." Yeah. You got to I would never have you do stuff like that to start out with. Yeah. To start out, you should do bodyweight stuff and you should do it like moderately. Like when I had a bunch of guys in here, we were doing comedians workouts on on Tuesdays. And one of the things that we always did was you sometimes do it Tuesdays and Thursdays, but one of the things we always did in if if anybody's just starting out. I'm like, do not go to failure. Do not push yourself. I don't I want you to get out of here and feel fine. I don't No, that he did say that for to be fair. He's not like killing me or anything, but we worked up to that, but that that one then we backed off of it. Well, rotational stuff is difficult because, you know, you're putting all if especially if you're not particularly coordinated and you're throwing a lot of torque, you know, one way or the other way when you're throwing a medicine ball, especially I got tons of torque here. Torque. A lot. I got so much torque, right? Like what? I don't understand like what what would determine whether or not you're more susceptible to soft tissue injury. The only thing that makes sense is that you haven't been working out. Like unless there's a biioarker. Yeah. Is there? I think so. Yeah. Let's let's try Perplexity House is our new sponsor. Let's find out. Put that in Perplexity. Find out what is uh a biioarker that would indicate you're more susceptible to soft tissue injury. I have my results in a PDF somewhere. I could call or I can call my doctor. Well, we we'll find out. We'll find out quick. But it just to me the only thing that would make sense is that you haven't been using that tissue. That's the only thing that would make sense. And there's probably things that they could show in terms of levels of like uh creatinine, I think that's how you say it, and maybe some other stuff that would indicate here it goes. What biioarker would indicate one susceptible to soft tissue injuries? Um wellsupported biomarker that indicates susceptibility to soft tissue injuries genetic variant. Oh, and the elastin elen gene. Interesting. which has been identified as a marker of ligament weakness and may signal increased risk of injury. Whoa. Yeah, there you go. Is that so that's what you have? I'm a variant. I'm a I'm a uh what do you call this? What do you call those X-Men? I'm a mutant. So, this is the word I was looking for. Classic serum protein markers like creatine canace. Uh lactate. What's that word? Diodraenise and myoglobin reflect muscle tissue breakdown and can indicate tissue vulnerability or prior damage but their use in predicting susceptibility as opposed to recent in as opposed to recent injury is less robust. Recent research has also shown that profiling early healing stages through mass spectrome spect Jesus Christ spectrometry can in identify multiple proteins whose baseline alterations may point to greater risk for delayed or poor recovery. Hm. So what has this guy got you doing? Like what is like a typical workout for you? He switches it up every single every single time. I mean, I've been doing I've been seeing him about four weeks, three times a week. How'd you find him? He actually lived in the building next to me. Oh. And I ran into him. This is weird stuff has been happening like this lately. Like I'm like, "I really got to get a trainer." And I was like walking in between the we had a little like thing in the between the buildings and he like he just was there talking to someone and I he mentioned he goes, "I'm a physical trainer." I'm like, "I need someone." He's like, "I'll walk over. We'll do So, I do it like 6:30 in the That's the thing that's a little harder, too, is like I The only time I could do it is 6:30 in the morning cuz I have like a You know, that's good though. The game started the right way. You already got a win. It is good. And I It's been crazy like how much I feel like I've done now by like 2 2:00 in the afternoon. But when that alarm goes off at like 6:00 and I know he's waiting downstairs and you know, I'm just like now it's cuz now it's winter like back home. I don't know about here, but like it's still completely pitch black outside, you know? Like, so just getting up in that darkness and being like my wife's sleeping. I'm putting on a [ __ ] headband. You know what I mean? You wear a headband. I sweat like a tennis. I wore a hat at first, but I was like, I need to get No, I bought like I got like fancy with I bought like a Lululemon head. Oh, nice. It's not It's like I don't know. Yeah. I I look I look the part. Okay. I look stretch, you know. Listen, that's it's all the looking the parts fun. It's all a part of just just [ __ ] doing it. It's been good. It's I felt immed It's immediately it changes my this just that release. It just feels great. The first workout I felt like right afterwards I was like this is amazing. That's great. Yeah. Yeah. As long as you don't go too hard. That's what I always tell everybody. You can't you're not going to be able to keep up if you try a crazy pace right off the bat. You're not going to be able to keep up with it and you're going to you're not going to be able to recover. You got to get broken down. You got to build it slow. I It used to take care of itself with like just sports and stuff like but I don't I don't do that anymore, you know? Like I haven't done that in for Are you a good athlete outside of like whatever training you do? Like are you a sports? Like do you play any sports? I only The only sport I played I played baseball when I was a kid and then once I started doing martial arts when I was in my early teens, I quit everything. Wow. Yeah. And just focused on that. Yeah. Oh [ __ ] Well, you for me it's like I hated team sports because I'm kind of, you know, stubborn and like I either struck out or hit a home run. No matter what happened, they were they were always like they were always like get on base. I'd be like, "Right, like [ __ ] I'm going for the bleachers, bitch." And either I was a hero or everybody was mad at me. And that's how I always played. I didn't care. Like if I'm not going to be a loser because Billy drops the ball in the in [ __ ] left field, right? I don't care. Yeah. Like, and so then when I found wrestling, I was like, "Okay, this is better. This is just me." And then I got into martial arts and I was like, "Okay, this I like this is just like I can I either put in the work and get better or I don't. I either win or I lose. There's no weird gray area. The only gray area is decisions. Decisions sucked because there's a lot of biased judges and you know, if you're in like someone's hometown and you Oh, yeah. their ass. Really terrible. That blatant. Oh yeah. Don't you remember Roy Jones Jr. in the Olympics? I Roy Jones Jr. in It was actually a beautiful moment that because Roy Jones Jr. in the Olympics, he boxed beautifully. It was a perfect performance in the finals and he lost. There's no way he lost. But it was in Korea and it was against the Korean national champion. Okay. And so the Korean national champion, he won the gold medal and then came to visit Roy Jones recently and gave him the gold medal and said, "You should have won that fight." Like recently recently. Yeah. Recently recently. Yeah. Wow. Like never. Yeah. Wow. But when I was a kid and I watched that, I was so disheartened because I'd seen that in Taekwondo a lot. I I'd seen that in kickboxing a lot. And it's just it's embarrassing. It's just when you see like blatant obvious corruption and that to me that decision is one of the worst examples of blatant corruption because Roy Jones just ran away with that fight. The only thing he didn't do is knock that guy out, but he beat his ass. They don't feel repercussions when it's that obvious. It's all subjective. It happens in the UFC. Yeah, I see. It happens in the UFC all the time. there's bad decisions and and you know and it's it's infuriating. It's infuriating to the athlete too because particularly in the UFC there's a win bonus. So imagine if you beat a guy like you really hit the gas in the second and third round. You [ __ ] burn yourself out. You get the decision. You're like I [ __ ] did it. I did it. Your your corner celebrated and we got it. We got the last two rounds all you. All you. And then you hear the judges and you're like no [ __ ] way. They robbed me. And it happens. It happens all the time. So, so say if you're a young guy and you're starting out in the UFC and you have a contract and maybe it's like 15 and 15. What that means is you get 15,000 to show and then 15,000 to win. So, if you lose, you only get that 15,000. So, those judges just stole $15,000 from you. When you're struggling just to feed yourself, right? And if you're getting $15,000 to fight, you have to pay for managers. You have to pay for your gym fees. You have to pay for nutrition. You have to pay for supplements. You know, you have to maybe you're getting a massage once a week. You got to pay for that. It's like, you don't have any money. Zero money. You have to work a job. There's no way you're doing that without a job. If you're lucky, you could teach, you know, if you're lucky, you can maybe teach private le like if you're a jiu-jitsu guy or a kickboxer, you could teach people during the day. Yeah. But other than that, man, you [ __ ] you're barely getting by and they just stole 15 grand from you. Wow. And happens all the time and nothing comes with it, right? His appeals appeals of [ __ ] We we get mad, you know, we talk about it in the commentary and we, you know, Daniel particularly gets upset because he was a professional fighter and he's seen it. Yeah. You know, but it's like they always say don't leave in the judge's hands, but that's nonsense because you these guys, you're not good enough to knock them out. And if you try to knock them out, you're going to get knocked out. It's like you have to fight smart, right? So like you always should fight the the best you can, but smart. Yeah. And if you don't do that, you you're not you shouldn't be a professional fighter. It's cuz you're going to get beat up when you shouldn't get beat up. You're going to get hurt when you shouldn't get hurt, you know. Yeah. I didn't I never did anything. I took karate for like six months, but I never did. It was team sports for me, but it was um I wasn't particularly I I I actually when uh the first year our grammar school got a basketball team, I was in uh seventh grade. And so uh if you were in eighth grade, you automatically made varsity and then whatever remaining spots you have to try out. I wasn't really good, right? But I tried out and I was the last one cut. So, I was the very first person to be placed on the JV team. Oh, no. So, the best of the JV, right? I we we didn't have a coach. The school did not have a basketball program. So, my f my friend's mom, who prior to this just owned a bakery, she was like, I'll coach. I mean, she had no she had no experience outside of pastries and she got like a a clipboard like a whiteboard clipboard and we met at the school gym and she started running drills with us and it was like whoever else wanted to be play can play. So I Yes, I got cut last. So I was the you know how'd you do I won I was the MV so I I was MVP of the team for the season. Nice. Went to the award ceremony. No, let me finish talking. Oh, sorry. Yeah. Yeah. No, you'll see the team first of all. So, we weren't good. We knew we weren't good. And we were like, "Okay, watch this. First team we're going to play is going to be like amazing." So, we show up for this first game. Okay. We get to the Catholic CYO center. It's like the Catholic Youth Organization gym. We get there, every single kid on that team is just like Dominican or like like we were all like scrawny little white kids. These kids were like six feet tall already. I I'll never forget it. I walked in and you do drills in the beginning before you start the game. You all take go in the line and take layups on your side. They're taking layups on their side. And I remember I locked eyes with some kid and he looked at me and he was dribbling the ball backwards through his legs as he walked backwards and he didn't break eye contact with me. And then he like ran up and like he did a layup and like tapped the backboard or whatever. We lost 44 nothing the first game. Okay. 44 nothing. Okay. So, at the end of the game, you're supposed to like line up and you all like, you know, touch hands or whatever and you go upstairs and there's like a little wreck room and you get like some Fritos in a juice box or whatever, right? So, this the parents were there and the parents of this team were engaged. I mean they they were I mean shut out in basketball is pretty tough and the parents were going nuts and so at the end when the buzzer sounded like the parents were chanting 44 zip zip 44 zip for and they were chanting it like loud right and then when we got online the kids started chanting the parents started chanting the parents ran onto the court and I just literally like and we're shaking hands they're all chanting 44 is it we go all together up the stairs to get the juice box and the parents are screaming it up the hallway 44 right in my face like 44 zip zip. I mean, literally, it was like the most humiliating experience. Next game, uh, we played Blessed Sacrament. We lost 563. I had the three points. Congratulations. Two points and a foul. Uh, it's a bucket and a foul, right? And then we proceeded to go 0 and4 on the year. The last the last game of the season at halftime. I don't know what happened. We looked up and we were winning. It was the first time we ever had a lead. It was the last game of the year is halftime and someone was like, "Holy [ __ ] we're [ __ ] winning." And we looked up and it was like 1816 or something and we lost. So they proceed to have the awards dinner. Well, you know, everyone like it was all the teams. It's like it's the sports dinner. So like they're doing all the awards for varsity JV across all the platforms and they insisted on doing it. So I was the MV I was the MVP of the team because you scored the only three points. I had 16 points on the season. 14 games, 16 points. I had to get up in front of everyone at the buffet and and take the trophy that said Salvo MVP JV, you know, 1990, whatever it was. And I would just was like, "Thank you." You know, like 0 and4. I had 16 [ __ ] I have that I have that trophy right now in my den on my mantle. That's hilarious. That's hilarious. 16 points on the season. This episode is brought to you by Happy Dad Hard Seltzer. Most hard beverages overco complicate everything. 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I mean, like going like that. What kind of sportsmanship is that? There was none there that day. There was none there that day. There's something to be said for that. There's something to be said for that. We had no business being out there. I can only imagine what it looked like. Like if they if they want their kids to be pros, you know, Yeah. If they want to their kids to really dominate, you got to really encourage the [ __ ] out of them. Yeah. You know, and for a lot of people, look, if you got a kid that's 6 feet tall already and you know, he's [ __ ] 14 and he's really good already at basketball, you're like, we might get rich. Yeah. You know, this is like a shot. Yeah, it's true. [ __ ] yeah. It's a giant shot. Their own form system. I mean, if a kid can make it Yeah. in professional sports. Oh my god. You know, it's your kid and if you're lower income people and you know, you have a kid and your family's really into sports. It's a hope. It's a way out. Oh yeah, man. I mean, it's like one of the the rare things. It's a lot of pressure on those kids. Oh my god. I could imagine. We didn't have uniforms. Our team, every other team had uniforms. No, we had wore our gym uniforms, which was hilarious. Which was like, you know, like the short shorts and like just a t-shirt and stuff. That's hilarious. And me, I was like such I I tucked mine in. My socks were up to my knees. that kind of thing. I have the team picture. It's my little giants or whatever. There's no win at the end, though. This It doesn't have to. We failed miserably. You don't have to win. You know how hard it was to accept that trophy? It was hard. Yeah. But now it's like great. It's like I have the trophy and I like I should I I never did it on stage. I I should maybe work that into It's a good setup for being a comedian. Yeah. You know, that kind of like humility It's like It humbles you. Yeah, that's a good setup. Like, you got to realize, yeah, we're not all created equal. Yeah, that's a croc of [ __ ] man. I'm funnier than any one of those kids. I'll tell you that. There you go. But like the idea that everyone's created equal physically is that's a hilarious idea. You haven't met any extreme athletes. There's people out there that are just they're different than all of us. Just just not fair. That's just how the universe works. Some people's great-grandparents were [ __ ] Vikings. Like like for real Vikings. I've been I've been trying to like figure out what else to do. Like I just I need some type of outlet because it's like I I haven't been doing Why don't you take up a sport? Well, so I have So another thing that happened to me, this was the weirdest thing ever. I was like, it just popped into my head. I don't know why. I was like, I think I want to learn how to sail. What I think I might have meant pro maybe is like I want to learn how to drive a boat, but like I was like, I think I want to learn how to sail. And so I was telling this to my wife and then like just same thing as the trainer like uh like like a few days later. It was like four days later I was at music class with my daughter and one of the dads was there with his daughter and I was inviting him to go somewhere like a group activity and he was like I'd love to but I can't. I teach sailing that day. Wow. And I was like are you serious? He's like yeah I was like and you were already thinking about it. Four days ago I said to my wife I want to learn how to sail. He goes let's go. Do you think that you have the ability to manifest things like that in your life? Do you ever wonder? I don't think I I don't I don't think there are people that believe that. There are people that believe that the way your consciousness interacts with the universe Yeah. is what makes things happen don't happen exactly as randomly as we want to believe that they do. But there are things that you do where you put energy out there and you make there's a lot of examples of it. It's a weird one to believe in because I feel like it's an element to life and the problem is people are always looking for it to be the element like the thing like do you remember that movie The Secret? Yeah. So during that time a lot of people unfortunately got convinced that they could wish their life into existence. Yeah. They got like a board Yeah. vision board and all that stuff. I think that is a part of things that that putting something into your head is a part of things. But I I don't think it's the whole thing. Yeah. And I think if you think of it as the primary thing instead of thinking of it as the like the whole thing has all these different pieces like if you want to get healthy you have to eat well, you have to take vitamins, you have to exercise, you have to sleep, you have to drink plenty of water, you have to cut out all the bad stuff like alcohol and so there's a lot of elements. It's not just work out, right? There's a lot of elements. And I think that's the thing with like manifesting stuff. I don't think it's entirely [ __ ] I think there's something to it. I mean, look, you you start, you know, you start lining all your ducks in a row, eventually, you know, something's going to be cohesive. But but the thing about like me running into a guy That's what I'm saying. Yeah. That that's like what's that? I mean, that's what I'm saying. sailing and the fitness trainer like right when you're putting it out there I there's a lot of people that believe this and that that believe that what we think of as physical reality just being static and locked down it's not really the case and that there's a strange dance between consciousness and physical reality that we're not totally aware of. Yeah. And that we don't really have the senses to like be able to measure it to to to somehow or another quantify it and put on a scale like what percentage of how your life goes depends on how you what kind of energy you put out there. Energy is big. Energy is big. That's why I'm always very particular about who I hang out with because people think it's no big deal to hang out with idiots. But the problem is you're absorbing their energy and instead of hanging out with really cool people and you absorb their energy and everybody like gets out of there feeling [ __ ] great. What a good time. What a good time. They just suck the energy. They suck it and they make it about them and they get negative and they're [ __ ] passive aggressive and weird or whatever it is. It's like I don't want to deal with him anymore, man. Yeah. You eventually shed those people. You should because they are energy. It's like you you can and I think how you feel personally like how your life is going has a giant effect on how your life can go because you're thinking in a positive way, you know, like you're you're you're in the right groove. You're in the right vibration. Yeah. If you want to get real hippie, you want to get all crystally. But there there's something to it. It's not everything. It's not the whole thing. I don't think it should be dismissed cuz I think there's a reality to it cuz I just there's too many times too many time like how many times have you ever run into a [ __ ] trainer when the guy's telling you you're train [ __ ] never right one blew me away. Yeah. How many times you ever run into someone who teach I went sailing the day took my first one in New York Harbor man. Wow. It was crazy. My parents lived on a sailboat for like two years. Might have been more. Might have been a little more. Yeah. Yeah. They just started they before you were born. No, no, no, no. When I was already a grown man like right when I started getting on TV and I started making some loot. Um I helped them get this sailboat and they got a sailboat and they just learn they already sailed. No, no, they learned how to sail and did it. Whoa. It's not easy by the way. Gangster move. Yeah. And they were like living down like in the Bahamas and [ __ ] That's living off of a sailboat for a few years. What kind of parents you got? My parents. This This is This is a foreign idea to me. Yeah. They just took they took this chance. They just decided like to Let's see. They They lived on it. Oh, yeah. With a cat, too. With our our cat that we had when we were kids. The cat was on the boat with them. This is fascinating. Yeah. They were uh they took Well, they're still alive. I shouldn't say they were. They are. They, you know, they they like to live life and so they Did you visit them on the boat? I did. Yeah. Yeah. I visited them on the boat. Yeah. It was fun. Uh I didn't visit them in the Bahamas. I visited them when they had it out here. Oh, they had it in America. But, uh, it was, uh, interesting because like to to be able to do that, that's a crazy ski. And they had to weather some storms. Like they had to get docked up during a storm. My stepdad had to go out to someone else's boat cuz it wasn't tied down and he had to tie this dude's boat down in the middle of a [ __ ] storm. Yeah. That's like life. Dangerous [ __ ] Yeah. They did it for a couple years. My mom was like, "We're done." What was the life before that? Like, was there a standard? No. Yeah. He's an architect and uh you know cuz that is a bold choice. Yeah, it was a crazy choice. Not even to just learn cuz it's like I'm going to live on this sailboat. I'm going to go live in a tropical. I'm going to live I'm going to learn how to sail. I think they just, you know, people don't like work, man. Like a regular job like work sucks. And if you and you get to a certain point in your life and your kids have left the house and you're like this is life. This isn't like preparing for something. This is life. I'm not preparing for life right now. So, I don't want to do this. I don't like doing this. Let's just do something else while we can. Yeah. Cuz it was like when you're out on a boat is that's what it is. Yeah. That's what it is. Really like Yeah. centering you. It's like being in the mountains like or you know being in nature. When you're in nature, you go to the woods like okay, this is just this is the only thing that matters like this this existence. I like that cuz I I didn't grow up with that and it's not common for me and it's like the one thing that really resonates with me as far as like shutting my brain off and things like that. Oh yeah, the ocean. There's not There's a reason why all those rich folks live like right on the ocean. They're not stupid. Yeah. I rented a house once in in Malibu. We were getting our kitchen redone in California and uh we we couldn't stay in the house and so um for like four months we rented a house and we rented this house like on the water and uh you wake up and you sit in the patio and it's these sliding glass doors and you're literally above right above the ocean. So you see nothing but this little little balcony and then water and you're like, "Oh, I get it now. I wonder why these people live right next to each other in a $20 million house. Like cuz I was like, who the [ __ ] wants to buy a house with no yard? You're jammed up next to your neighbors. That's stupid. And then I got there one morning drinking coffee, sitting there by myself, smoking a joint. I'm like, okay. Yeah. It's like biological. It's like you can't I go, "Oh, yeah. I get it. I see what you guys are doing. Oh yeah. This is better. This is like you're watching a show and a work of art at the same time while you're you're taking in sunshine and fresh clean air from the ocean. Yeah. But here's here's the [ __ ] The difference between the water in the day and the water in the night is huge. The water in the day is beautiful. It's blue and you see dolphins and you see seagulls everywhere. It's incredible. It's it's food for the soul at night. It's a black monster at night when you realize, especially me because, you know, I'm probably a little high at the time and I'm looking out at that water abyss and I'm like, there is billions and trillions of gallons of water out there and no one can control it. And all it takes is the Earth just having this one little one little shift of the tectonic plates and a [ __ ] wave is coming and you're right on the edge. How And I sleep like a log. Yeah. You know, like Yeah. If a tsunami is coming, you're done. Yeah. Look at this one getting swept away. I This is the Outer Banks. Yeah. Yeah. And this ain't even a tsunami. This is just a house. Yeah. That's It's tough, man. There's a video of this guy walking his dog in Russia and it's real recent and there was uh a tsunami that there was a giant warning. They knew it was going to happen because there was a huge earthquake off the coast and so they knew it was coming. So this guy is way up on this cliff side. Watch this. Look how high he is. See how high he is? Yeah. Where is he? Oh, he's that's him taking the video. Yeah. So he's he's taking his video and he's with his dog. It's kind of cool when you hear his voice, too. It's like So look, look how high he was, right? And look at this water coming in. Oh, dude. It gets all the way over the top. No. Oh, yeah. Look at the dog. The dog's almost dog doesn't know it almost died. This silly dog is just sitting there. It keeps going. Bro, this is bananas. That's That's horrifying. Look how high it gets. Yeah. And he's now at this point in time, he's realizing like, oh [ __ ] look. It gets over the top. It crests over the top of the [ __ ] hill. Yeah. I mean, that's like a hundred feet. Yeah. I It's That's insane. Yeah. You You've seen that perfect storm. That's But that's what happens at night. When you're sitting there at night, you can't sleep cuz you're like, "What am I doing? Why would I sleep here? This is so stupid. It's It's weird how it flips like that." Just all you have to do is just be real. Like in the day, you're not real. It's say it's like, "Oh, the sun is giving me vitamin D." It's like, and at night it's like, "No, no, no, no. This is just water. An immense amount of water that no one is in control of. Yeah. Get out of here. I was like, get out of here. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's their world. That's their world, dude. This is an ad by BetterHelp. We have a lot of big holidays coming up, but before you start preparing for trick-or-treaters or make plans for travel for Thanksgiving, there's one other big day you should focus on. World Mental Health Day. It's October 10th. And if you don't know already, it's a great day to send some love to therapists. Maybe a therapist has made a positive impact on you or someone you love. Therapists listen, ask the right questions, and help someone move forward. They can help you if there's something keeping you up at night. If you're looking for a safe space, BetterHelp is a good place to start. They've spent the past decade helping people connect with the right professional therapist. And based on the millions of highly rated reviews, it's safe to say they do a great job. 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So, it's like, yeah, just just hearing the fact, oh, you run out of air. Is the tank the the meter based on how much air is in or how much time? Like how much you've been breathing? Like, could you [ __ ] up and and breathe too much? Yes. And it wouldn't say E yet? No, no, no. I mean, I had the little dial so it'll show you. Yeah. And I was with someone. I was, you know, but still, by the way, it doesn't matter, by the way. So, it's like I couldn't get down. I'm claustrophobic and so I think that played into it. But like you have to start it just you have to overcome the sensation that you're maybe drowning or being suffocated like you know you go down and the weights start to pull you down and you adjust to breathing through here but then that's it. Like and if you want to like talk or it's like you don't you don't feel comfortable and you just want out there this you know you can't just get out and once you go down 30 feet or so you have to like you know you can't just shoot up either you have to go up like slowly obviously I mean it's not only 30 ft is the bends but like you know that whole thing and so 30 feet where you get the bends is that no I only went 30 feet I think that's like very simple stuff but I still don't think you shoot up right it's Yeah it's Um, but which is crazy. You get too much nitrogen in your blood and you're [ __ ] It's [ __ ] up, right? That's crazy. And I got to That's their world, bro. That's not your world. That's their world. Well, it was 30 ft down. It was still kind of my world. That's far. Yeah. That's far. But I can still see our world. You know what I mean? But if you're out of breath and you got to get to that 30 ft and you're you're exhausted and out of breath, that's [ __ ] terrifying. Yeah. Well, it was me and my friend and that was it. It was an instructor. No one else showed up. And it was his birthday. I was taking him for his birthday. Right. So they like tell you some things. They're like, "All right, I'm going to go down there with you." And like telling you signals and stuff, you know, like if I do this or if I do, you know, whatever the signals were. And I'm like, "All right, I'm trying to like remember these goddamn signals, especially like if I need to communicate something." Yeah, there should be a test. Yeah, there wasn't. So, we go down. I finally overcome it and I get down there. And like once I got down there and calmed down, I had moments where I was a little panicky again, but like in the moments where I was calm, I was like, "All right, I'm going slow. I'm breathing slow. This is cool." And you just kind of start exploring. And there were these big like I guess Oscar big these big fish like the size like literally the size of almost my body. Like five or six of them together just there. But they weren't like, you know, they couldn't harm you, but like just the sheer size of them was like, I'll stay away from them. But then this instructor starts swimming forward and then my friend is behind her and I'm behind him. And at one point, like I you know, I'm not good with the paddles. No, the flippers. Flippers. Is that flippers? Like I I don't know. Some people are just good with them, but like it's kind of like it's it's weird. It's unnatural an unnatural feeling. So I'm not good with them. And I got this [ __ ] tank on me and you know everything's tight, you know, and it's like and I'm trying to use the footprints and I'm not really catching like I'm kind of falling behind a little bit. I'm not really doing it great and then I start to try to do it faster but then that like spins me a little bit. So now I'm spinning down there and I'm trying to kick out of it and I like want to communicate to the instructor and she's in front of my friend swimming forward and my friends I'm looking at his ass like I'm just like [ __ ] like I'm just like waving my hands like that seems wildly irresponsible. Yeah. Like she I don't think she should have led like that and went she was I would say she was probably 20 feet ahead of me swing vote and so at that one point I was like this is not like this is this is crazy. She doesn't I can't get help if I need help. And you're panicking. I I did. I panic. I started breathing heavy, of course. And I had to like literally just, you know, bring myself back down. Let me ask you this. Um, so they don't give you any like test to make sure that you're good at scuba diving. Yeah, we we went in the water first and like in the shallow area and like we did like some exercises and drills or whatever and they explained the signs. Did what's going to happen? Did you tell her you're claustrophobic? I don't I don't think I did. When you say you're claustrophobic, like are you self diagnosed or did you go to a mental hospital? Self. You went crazy. But but how did you what do you where do you get that from? Like where do where do where do I think why do I think I have it? Phobic. What makes you uh because I've been in scenarios in confined small spaces where I couldn't get out or I didn't have a lot of mobility and I literally had a panic like have a panic attack. Like I start my heart starts beating out my chest. I feel like I can't breathe. So it's like an anxiety of being confined to a small space. Yeah. Like when I was um uh I did an MRI. Oh, that was like very claustrophobic. I started beating out of my chest and there was one time on a plane a long time. I don't like to fly either. So that combined with like I was in a row like a really tight row like just crammed in and I just I don't know. just it's it's happened a few times in my life where or in the like the the the like back row of like a a like a a van where like it was closed in like and I couldn't anywhere I can't get right out and one time I was in a stretcher and I um they like lock you like they strap you in that I can't take that. I can't take it. What happened to you? Did you get stretched? I was in a car accident. Yeah, I was fine. I was okay. But they just precautionary put you in a stretcher. I was I was to tell you the truth I saw I was I was driving and a guy ran a stop sign and like plowed fast and plowed into me. I was a teenager and my best friend was driving behind me so he watched it happen. So he called right away but I I guess I kind of like I don't remember I got hit and then I remember um my girlfriend at the time crying and I I remember talking to her but I have no vision. I just hear the words and I remember like I was hugging her and I could feel her tears and then the next thing I remember in my mind was that I I was in a stretcher on the floor and I woke up and like the ambulance was there and everything was there. That's the next thing I remember. But I'm telling this guy I'm in this [ __ ] thing and he has me on the floor behind the ambulance and I'm right by the exhaust pipe. Oh my god. I'm just laying on the and the thing's like just right by the I'm like can somebody [ __ ] move me from away from the exhaust pipe? That's hilarious. you know, but uh I couldn't when I'm when I'm held down like that and confined and I can't move, it's like I don't know. I just feel like I can't breathe. Just I start to freak out. My mom has it, so I don't know if it's like I don't know if it's I just wonder what the difference between that and general anxiety is because if you have general anxiety, I would imagine you would get claustrophobic, too. So maybe that's what it Well, I'm just telling you what I feel in confined spaces. Oh, the reason why I'm asking is because I think we have Excuse me. I think we have a genetic memory of bad stuff. I think that's why some people are allergic or are terrified of snakes. Some people are terri like there's a thing a real thing aidophobia or arachnophobia see spider some people like they go into a hot panic it's different than anything else and I think there's something like in the genes from you know millions of years of evolution where someone down the line died or almost died because of one of these [ __ ] spiders or one of these snakes or you saw someone get killed by a snake and you see them and you [ __ ] lock up. How do you explain the phobia of clowns? Oh, I mean John Wayne Gayy there's there's a bunch of somewhere along the line you can't see their real face. It's scary. Yeah. It's scary to not be able to see someone's real face. Yeah. Which was like one of the most [ __ ] up things we did to kids during the pandemic is make everybody wear masks cuz kids are in school and they're not getting facial expressions. They're not getting them from teachers. They're not getting them from their classmates. It's weird. Yeah. That's weird. That's not good for human development. Yeah. That was the norm. There's something, especially as kids, we don't like if we can't figure your face out. I can't see your whole face. You're wearing paint, so I'm not getting the right signals. You got a rubber nose on. You got weird [ __ ] crazy hair. I'm like, I don't know if you're cool or not cool. Right? If you're a regular guy, and I can tell if you're creepy. I can tell like this guy's got weird energy. Let's get out of here. But a clown's like, "Hello, boys and girls." You're allowed to act like in this weird silly way. A clown could be right on the line, whether it's demonic or full-on demonic psychopath that you could hide as a clown. And you could hide with that language, that clown language. Hi, boys and girls. Would you like to see a trick? Meanwhile, you're thinking about cutting that kid up in your basement. Yeah. You know, and those are real human beings. Yeah. Yeah. Do you remember when clowns like for a minute were like in the news everywhere because it was like a trend that clowns were terrorizing towns? It was like five year like maybe less than 10 years ago. No. Oh my god. So, where I'm from in Staten Island, we had the Staten Island clown. Oh, no. And this there was a clown just showing up in public spaces and events just watching people and then like recessing like back into the night and it would make appearances and started making the papers. I do remember that. Oh, it's wild. And was it around the time that it came out though? I don't think it was it. Do but but the book maybe it was terrifier. Oh, that late. Yeah, it was. So, what year was this? I was I think it was like I would say I would put it out 10 years. Yeah, it was 2016. Okay. Yeah. But then other places like other people started doing it and then like and then it was like clowns with that was kind of fun actually though. I do remember that. I I like that. I like that. I like the idea that there might be a a clown. We go out one night like the cuz it was it was it almost felt like our version of Summer Sam or something like that. People like if you're going out tonight look out for the clowns. It is weird that like there's always been throughout history there's Jack the Ripper. There's always been these people in Austin. They say this kind of strangles. They don't know who Jack the Ripper is, right? I feel like there's some new evidence reveals the true identity of Jack the Ripper. You never know what's just clickbait [ __ ] and you click on it, some nonsense website that tells you they found Jack the Ripper. So, you're not going to get me every time. I just clicked on something that said that Pat uh Christian Bale was Banksy. Nah, I there was an article that said, "Well, he's an amazing actor. That guy. It can't. It's [ __ ] But I But I It would be fun if it was. Yeah. He's an interesting dude. You know, he drives like a 1983 Toyota Tundra or a 93. Really? Why? Not even a Tundra. A Tacoma. He's a weird dude. Just like this is all I need. I drive this. He's got a regular Toyota pickup truck. I shouldn't have like doxed him. Now people are gonna be looking. Yeah. Look at him. Yeah. He's got Dude, he's got a Tundra. I mean, this thing was April Fools. What's that? Banksy thing was April. Oh, was it? Someone sent me a link. I didn't even know. I wouldn't be shocked if it was though. You know what I'm saying? Like, as good as that guy is, he could kind of do whatever he wants. You know, when you get to like that level of actor, those are like weird exceptional humans. They don't come along that often. You know, the Gary Oldman's, the Daniel D. Lewis's, there's these people that like become another person. Those weirdos, they could do whatever they want. If he wanted to be Banksy, I would go, "Okay." Yeah. It's not like Banksy's making Mona Lisas everywhere. You know what I mean? It's just like Yeah, they're playing with different rules. Yeah, I think. But I was I remember I was disappointed when I found out it was him cuz like you know it's like ah I don't know. I want it to be mysterious. It's kind of amazing that nobody knows who Banksy is. Yeah. I mean it it's really weird actually. Did you see that uh Doc that exit through the gift shop? I didn't. It's pretty interesting. It's it's like it it follows other artists. His name's like Mr. He has a moniker that he goes by and like people thought that he was Banksy and so like it spends the whole thing like following him but it turns out he's not. But it was it was a fun watch. But it was like uh it's it's just wild to me that after all this time in the age we're living in now, nothing has gotten like everyone like how many people know who he is? Like you know how close to the vest is his identity? Well, he would have to be a truly brilliant person to keep it together. That would be likely, right? But even then, you know, [ __ ] it. I'm coming out with this. You guys are [ __ ] Yeah, right. You know, like one guy in the band that decides to leave. Or his girlfriend. You should go to the press. You could get a lot of money if you go to the press. It's going to come out eventually. Just come out. Listen, sell your story before they don't want to buy your story. We need the money. Like, oh, should I do I didn't know you did voices? I do that one. That's a good one. That was pretty good if I close my eyes. That was good. Sell it. Sell it. No, I don't do Mark. It's $65,000. Do you have $65,000? You don't. But it's going to be worth nothing. And next thing you know, the band's breaking up. That's funny, dude. That always happens. I I went to um I went to Iv invited to this brunch in England and it was uh it was a guy um man he was a descendant of uh uh uh who's the who's the uh the the uh the guy where it's like oh um like he when you want to [ __ ] when you when you're when you're like when you're thinking about your mom who's that guy the the the what Yeah, I know. I know. I'm literally having a stroke. I have no idea what you're saying. I know. All right. So, Jamie, do you know what he's saying? He needed a couple more words. He wasn't getting to it. Yeah. When you think of your mom, that guy who's Yeah. The guy. It's like what's it called for Freud? Christ Freud. Yeah. So, he's I think he's a descendant. You're talking about like was Freud is like his I think Freud is like his like great greatgrandfather or something. And then he also married into like it's the biggest uh market like publication uh in in the biggest like media company conglomerate in in overseas whatever I forget the his name he's super rich famous family that married into another super rich famous family right Freud family and then like whoever this one is anyway I'm at this person's house okay long story short I don't remember how I got invited there I think his where is it it's um it was somewhere where in outside of London and it it was unassuming because we walked through row houses through an alley to get to their property and uh I think to the daughter of this I'm I feel bad that I I'm forgetting their name because they were gracious hosts and but I I did the daughter I think was a fan of ours or something and somehow got in touch and we got invited there. It was a weird wild thing. So I I I find myself at this place. I didn't I didn't know anyone. And I get there and like it was a weird collection of people there. Apparently this guy hosts a brunch forever. He's like known for it and he has a lot of friends and a lot of celebrity friends. And so there was celebrities and stuff there at this brunch. It was really cool. Walk in there was all food trucks and stuff and you get into their house and uh at the time Woody Harlson was filming a movie in London and it was crazy. It was a one It was a live movie in one shot. They tr they rehearsed for this movie for months and months and months and then a live stream into theaters and he acted live and the entire thing was one shot. It was like 90 minutes long. Wow. Yeah. I don't I can't believe it didn't get more press just from the nature of that. That's insane. But um Wow. So he was out there for that and so he was at this brunch and I think uh yeah Owen Wilson um was was also at this brunch. How did I forget about this? Did you do Do you recall it now? I'm kind of recalling hearing about it now. Yeah, it was but it didn't get any love. No, but I I went and saw it and it was un It was really [ __ ] cool. Um so there's I mean there's a lot of different people there. Liv Tyler just the the guys from Oasis. There was just a collection of people there. And I found myself they they had a like a little bomb, like a escape uh not escape room. Uh what do you call it? Safe room. Mhm. And the safe room was just converted. It had a ping pong table in. I went downstairs. I walk into this safe room and Woody Harlson and Owen Wilson are playing ping pong down there. And I just it was them two, a cat and me. And I just watched them play ping. I don't know them. But wait, I'm getting to this. Oh, so anyway, they had Banksies. Like they had they had a they had a [ __ ] uh uh man, you know, I think I need to take a supplement for my I need to get some GKO baloba in me. Who's who's the artist with like Picasso? They had a Picasso. I'm like, who's the guy who puts like an eye over here? The guy with no ear. No, that's Van Go. Yeah, she had they had bangs. He's like just in the house like up like that like that's probably I mean I'm you know that's a million dollars. Yeah, probably. Probably at least. I don't know. I I don't know how much they are, but I was like, "Oh, wow. That's like your own personal banks." I went over an agent's house once in uh Aspen, and this is like a long time ago. And uh we were there for they used to have the Aspen Comedy Festival. And I was over his house and and I was like, "Oh, did his kid make this?" There's like this painting on the wall. And they're like, "No, that's a Chrisa." Yeah. I go, "He paid for that? It looked like tissue. This is I'm just saying this to another agent. So, it's me and other shooting the [ __ ] over a couple of cocktails. We're laughing, but I'm like, "For real?" And he goes, "Yeah, that's worth like $35,000." I'm like, "Yeah, there's no way that is a kid did that." It was like pieces of tissue paper glued with some paint splattered on it. It's nuts. I was like, "What is this?" Do you know the origins of that stuff? They think it was a CIA SCOP for what? Modern art like that. Come on. Yes. Yeah. There's some evidence that points to the CIA like when they just nail a banana to the wall or something. Yeah, a little bit of that but a little bit of like Jackson Pollock. So yeah, I was going to bring up Pollock because Stern did that. Do you remember see when Howard did that? He he he was like I can I can make a Jackson Pollock and you won't know the difference. And he did it on a show like did he did it and he put it next to each other and nobody knew the difference. Yeah. So what they think is we couldn't compete during the Cold War with the classical artists of Russia. like there's some incredible painters in Russia uh at the time and I'm sure there are now but we didn't have a a a similar level. We didn't have a Da Vinci over here. We didn't we didn't have someone who could do what they were doing. And so the CIA came up with a plot to popularize nonsense art and make it like really huge and make all these investors want to spend money buying like nonsense art. And apparently there's I never would have considered that until I paid attention to all the other [ __ ] that they've done over the last, you know, x amount of decades. And I was like, I think that's true cuz it doesn't make sense to me that that stuff would just emerge and all a sudden be worth millions of dollars and someone wouldn't figure out exactly what Howard Stern figured out that I can make this on my own and you could just say it's a Pollock. You know, this is Jackson Pollock and no one would know. Like what are we talking about then? We're talking about something that anybody can do. If you look at the Mona Lisa, you're like, "Well, I can't do that, right?" You know, you you look at, you know, there's a million paintings. You look at it like, especially today, there's something about the level that people are at today where they're making like photograph realistic paintings. Yeah. Photo realistic paintings like that are above and beyond anything's ever anyone's ever accomplished in the history of art. But because it looks so realistic, people don't even seem to care. Modern art was a CIA weapon. spy agency used unwitting artists such as Pollock and Dunig in a cultural cold war. Ain't that wild? So, scroll up to the thing. This is from uh The Independent. Oh, you have to support. No, that's there, I guess. Oh, okay. Um, so the connections are probable. There's a period in the 1950s and 1960s when the great majority of Americans disliked or even despised modern art. President Truman summered up summed up the popular view when he said, "If that's art, then I'm a het." I don't know what that means. Hot and hot and tot. What's a hot and I don't know, but I'll tell you right now, I'm starting to use that word. A hot and tot What is that word? Never heard. What's a hot and tot? What's a hot and tot? An outdated and offensive term historically used by Europeans to refer to I don't know how to say that word. K H O E K H O E. An indigenous group of nomadic pastoralists from South Africa. Jesus Christ. All right, we're not going to The president was using that. You want to talk about the world being different? The president was using a slur. As for the artists themselves, many were ex-communists and barely acceptable in the America of the McCarthyite era and certainly not the sort of people normally likely to receive US government backing. So why the CIA support them? Because in the propaganda war with Soviet Union, this new artistic movement could be held up as proof of the creativity, the intellectual freedom and the cultural power of the US-Russian art of the US rather. Russian art strapped into the communist ideological straight jacket could not compete. Hilarious. So because their artists were better, we decided to come up with some nonsense art and make people think that was the [ __ ] And they and it it worked. It worked. But are we saying that they found those artists and propped them up? No. The artist saying that those artists were were No. No. The artists already existed, but the CIA propped them up and pushed them out as being amazing. And they did it in an effective way. And look, if they're all these like super duper rich people are involved or closely connected to the CIA, all they would have to do is have art exhibits at their house and tell everybody how amazing this guy is and how mindblowing this piece is. And they'll all agree. That's how art works in a general sense now anyway. It's like there are people at the top that dictate a lot of this stuff. You know what I mean? That Well, for sure, but there's also just talent. You know, if someone's really good, like all they have to have is an Instagram page if they're really talented. Oh, yeah. But I'm saying the art world and the and like the art as a commodity and that kind of stuff like you know, like the bottom can fall out at any time of that just like anything else. It's like I guess but people always want art. But the thing is like what I'm getting at is nobody wanted that art. Yeah. Yeah. And then all of a sudden it became worth millions. And it became worth millions because of the CIA. Yeah. That's wild. They mind [ __ ] the American people into believing that terrible art is really good. That's wild. Wild. Yeah. No, I because I just read an article recently about like how um art as investment like there's been like a huge change where a lot of artists that were being pushed and were really hot by galleries and this and that like just years ago and selling at x amount like their their stuff's not worth anything right now. Wow. Yeah. Wow. I wonder why. Well, when the economy starts going, I would imagine that people stop buying art, right? Like luxury items, [ __ ] you don't need, art. Yeah. It wasn't I forget, but it wasn't it wasn't economy based. It was like it was like the the trend like the, you know, the trend within that that world or whatever. It's like I It's always weird to me how people put a price tag on that stuff. I was in uh excuse me I was in Venice recently and we went to uh I guess it's the Guggenheim Gall the Guggenheim family gallery. It's a house that's like it's a gallery that's like on the water. You like you pull up in one of those little boats. Yeah. You get off and you're in the gallery and it priceless art. It was one person's collection. So one super rich lady put together I think is it called the Peggy Guggenheim in Venice? I might be making that up, but anyway, it's a lady, a very wealthy lady who really loved art. Is that it? Oh, what a memory. Uh, and she has this incredible collection. Were you like, how much did she spend? Like, this is like a billion dollars in art. It's nuts, man. What is that? That's the front page of their website. Oh, that's the front page. Oh, that's an exhibit that they have there. But it's all there's some modern stuff, but there's a lot of like like priceless [ __ ] Yeah. Just unbelievable collection. You collect. No, nothing. I collect pool cues. Yeah. I like pool cues at cars. Nothing. I have some art. Yeah. But I have friends that are artists. Well, this place is filled with art. Obviously, I'm looking around, but like I think of my house very differently in this place. I definitely collect art. Okay. I love art for here, but for my house, I don't have anything. Okay. I don't collect anything. I started this is like I feel I feel like the studio is a totally different thing. Like this this is like it's not my house. It's like a showcase, you know? Like I like to put cool stuff in here. Yeah. Like I would if my house was like this, it's too chaotic. It's too weird. Yeah. Yeah. No, it's a creative space. It's cool. It's cool in here. I have a few pieces at home from this guy Greg Overton. He's a friend of mine and he does Native American art that is just spectacular. He does these huge pieces like this, you know, like six 8 foot by six foot giant Native American faces that are just the I saw him for the first time. I was in Park City just going through like the little town and they had a gallery and we were walking around like, "Oh, let's go look at the gallery." And it was just like right away I was like, "Whoa, shit." Pull up one of his photos. If you can pull up the one that I have, but I I stare at that [ __ ] every day. Yeah. You know, it's totally different. You know, it's like I just think what this was like this is a very accurate representation of a real person that lived here 200 years ago and like what is that dude's life like? Oh [ __ ] That's that one's on my wall. God. Yeah. How good is this guy? Wow. What What is What is that? Oil? What is it? Oh yeah. It's oil paint. Yeah. Oil or acrylic or I mean I don't know what exactly he uses, but it's painting. So like like realistic. Oh. So, well, it's just really good, man. That's one of the ones that I have, but I have another one. This dude who has white paint on his face and this crazy scar on his face. It's like his stuff is first of all, the dude like loves That's it. The one with above it with the uh feathers. The white one. Yeah, that's it. Make that a little bigger. That one I see when I'm walking down the hall every day. Oh [ __ ] That's like the first thing I see in the morning is that [ __ ] staring at me. Wow. because I, you know, I that's kind of powerful, dude. It's so powerful. Yeah, I love that painting. Greg's a friend, too, and he's a cool [ __ ] But that um that that to me represents there was a real human that looked exactly like that walking around 200 years ago, had no idea what was going to happen to this country in just a short amount of time. Yeah. And this dude in, you know, 1810 is just out here lived his whole life out here like this living under the stars following the buffalo around. It's like it there's something really powerful about knowing that people used to live like that that recently. Yeah. So recent. And now he hangs right by your powder room. He's he's at the end of the hallway right when I get up on purpose. I want to walk I want to walk towards him. That's that that's serious. Like the stuff I've collected is a little bit more like vibrant, a little bit more like, you know, not so photorealistic and stuff like I was going to tell you someone I thought you'd like this artist Jordi Kerwick as I have a piece of he's I just I found him on my own during the pandemic. I bought a piece of his art and I really loved it. And then like what does he do? What kind of stuff? Uh I mean I guess it's kind of like well his style has changed. I bought like a still piece that was like uh but now he's moved into this really funky cool like lizard like um like Oh, so what is that? That's so This is some cool [ __ ] right? Yeah. Oh, he's awesome. He's he does sculptures. He's from Australia, I believe. He lives in France. He does sculptures. Yeah, he's [ __ ] He blew up, too. And he's like he's the nicest guy. So, like a couple of years, like a few years after I bought his piece, I saw him like something of mine on Instagram and I was like, "Oh, he cuz I I zoomed with him before I bought it, I guess, just to talk about it for a minute." And I thought maybe he just f like followed me or knew who I was because I bought his art, but he didn't. He just knew me through comedy. And so I hit him up and I go, "Hey man, I saw you like something of mine. Like, you know, I bought something from you, right?" And he's like, "I have no idea." No. I was like, "Yeah, we to we zoomed. I I" And he's like And he's like, "No, no, I just I'm a fan." I'm like, "Dude, your stuff is amazing." And this guy was so nice. He ended up sending me more artwork. Like, he shipped me more artwork of his and it's like expensive. And he just he just was so generous. He sent me more stuff. That's awesome. This guy's dope. Yeah. Yeah. That looks like Where the Wild Things Are. How [ __ ] dope is that, right? Very, very. His style has changed so much, too. And it's like I want to get another piece. I'm like, part of me is like I don't want to if I'm going to spend if I'm going to get it, I want to like, you know, get try to vary it up. But I like his stuff so much that I just kind of want to like Whoa. He does weird [ __ ] too. Yeah, that was creepy. Yeah. Yeah. Art is awesome, man. It's like it's got so few limitations. You could do whatever you want. You paint whatever you want, sculpt whatever you want, you know, and and you have that thing in your house and you get to stare at it and it gives you like a whole different sense of life. Yeah. Like somebody made that. This popped out of someone's imagination. You My cough button still Is it still broken? Let's try Seems like it's working now. You uh when the whole thing's not out, it it acts a little weird. Oh, that's what it is. Yeah. Okay. How good are you with a bow and arrow? Pretty good. How good? Like I bow hunt, right? Yeah. I practice, but I don't really know every day. Yeah. Yeah, you have to. All right. So, if I I mean, I I shouldn't say have to every day, but you have to practice a lot. You have to be really accurate. But like back in the day when they battled with bow and arrow Mhm. How what skill level were those guys? Oh, that's a totally different kind of archery, right? So, that kind of archery is How much of that was like letting it fly and how much of it was like I'm a sniper. I'm gonna like Oh, no. They were good. Yeah, guys are good. My friend Aaron Schneider, he's such a good bow hunter that he decided he wants to hunt with a recurve like a regular bow for a while because like he What's the difference? It's way harder. Okay. Way harder to be accurate. Like a Robin Hood bow. Yeah, Robin Hood bow. Like a regular bow. Yeah. He killed everything with it. He killed bears. He killed deer, elk, everything. He's like a professional hunter. He's like a like a worldclass hunter. Ex-military guy. Got into hunting. He's a [ __ ] beast. And when bow hunting, which is one of the hardest things to do, becomes so easy that you want to pick up a regular bow and go shoot that. That shows you what type of human you're talking about. But he can group like into like a a softballsized lump at 45 yards. He just fires them in with Yeah, he's super accurate with that. But I tried once I was on vacation and I'm like I'm good with a bow and arrow. I know how to shoot a bow and arrow. I do it all the time. I was hitting him in the ass, hitting them in the neck. I was hitting them all over the place. Not a human, not an animal rather, a foam target. We were shooting recur and I was like, I'll be able to do that. It was like a thing that you do. You shot ski. It was at an island resort. It was pretty fun. And then you shot ski and then you got to shoot these uh recurves and I was like, oh, I got this. I was terrible. I didn't really totally different technique. Yeah. didn't sight. It carried over a little. I mean, I hit the target, but I I there's no way I was accurate. So, if I gave chase, if I ran from you and you had to get like if I get like could you take me out if I'm like if I'm running around like a moving target like Well, it depends on how far away you are. Okay. You know, because it So, the arrows go in 279 feet a second. A second. A second. So, what's that in mouse? I don't know. But that's what my when I look at my range finder. I'm just doing quick math, but I think that's a billion miles an hour. I have to enter in in my rangefinder. I enter in how fast the arrow is going. Yeah. I enter in how fast the arrow is going, how much the arrow weighs, and it gives me like a very precise measurement of where my arrow is going to be at the top of its flight. So when I range something, I use a range laser rangefinder. It's called a full draw. Loophole makes it. And uh when I click on the button, it gives me the distance. So, I'll say like 53 yards, but it also gives me the height of my arrow because it's measure. I've entered in the speed of my arrow and the weight of my arrow and the the feet per second it goes. So, you're going from home plate home plate to center field in a second and a half. It's so fast. It's like you barely keep your eyes on it. See? And then mine is not as fast as other guys. Like uh I have a friend of mine, my friend Josh Jones. He just put together a bow that I think goes 340 feet a second, but he's a big tall guy and when you're a taller person, you have a a longer draw length and you'll get more speed out of the bow. I can't wrap my head around the speed of a bow. Like I said, if you were at home, the way I'm thinking of it, 200's 136, 340 is 232. Wow. Mh. 232 miles an hour. That's crazy. Big increase. That's insane. It's so fast, dude. That's the way I'm thinking of it. If you're at home plate, I'm at center field and you shoot your your arrow at me, I have a second, Dude, he's going second to move out of the way. His arrow is going 231.82 m an hour. That's bananas. And there's people that karate chop those. Not really. Not that. You kind of see a a regular Okay, you got a long bow, which is probably the slowest. And then you have recurves. Recurves, I don't know if the Mongolians invented them or if the Mongols invented them, but the Mongols had the strongest known bows. They had bows that take 160 pounds to draw back. So much so that like some of their skeletons were disfigured. Wow. because they had so much time pulling in one direction that their whole body was like contorted in that shape. Chiropractor would have cleaned up back then. But those guys were I don't think chiropractors were real, but uh but those but those guys were super accurate. But you'd have to do it every day. If you do it every day, it's like it's like a pitcher, right? Like if you ask me to throw a strike, who knows what's going to happen. I might not even go near the plate. I don't throw a ball very often. Not since you started doing martial arts, but I mean the point is like even if you did, you'd have to do it over and over and over again to be able to throw a strike in a game against a real good batter, right? That's what these guys are doing with bows and arrows, right? They're getting to that point where they It's just like a throwing a ball. They know exactly how far it is, exactly where the arrow is going to go at that distance. They have a feel because they're doing it every day. But you have to do that every day. The kind of archery I do, you don't have to do it as much. You probably should do it every day, but mine is like I'm dialing this sight out to the exact yardage. I've got like a fiber optic pin that's sitting over the spot. Like I know exactly where it's going to be. It's super high-tech. Yeah. And then you know exactly where the arrow is going to be at every spot of the way if you shoot it straight. How long because of all that is it more about understanding it to be accurate or is there also still like you have to be steady and everything? I mean, obviously, you have to be you have to just do it so much that it becomes a part of you. It's like, you know, when when you were playing basketball, I'm sure there were times when you're [ __ ] around with your friends where you just hit a flow. You just hit a flow and you start right around my 13th point. But, you know what I mean? When you're with your friends, not when you get your ass kicked by Dominicans, but when you're just hanging out with your boys, every now and then you'll catch a flow, right? where you feel it and you just know the ball. What what everything else is is like taking that and just doing it all day long until you can do it at any time you want. You're always in that flow. So, how long did it take you to feel like, oh, I know what I'm doing or oh, I I've marked improvement right now. It just takes it took years of practice. That's wild. Yeah. So, years of just like not hitting No, you always hit the target but not consistently. So, you know, like I'd be in my backyard and I used to have a 45 yard target and I was pretty good at 45 yards. I could get most of them in the spot that I wanted to hit. Yeah, but every now and then one would go left, one would go right. Now they're all going in there. Now 45 yards for me is like zip zip zip zip. I'll st I'll ruin arrows cuz I'm stacking them on top of each other. But if I go out to like 85 yards, then things spread out because then all of your movement is magnified. So the key is it's like any little variation, little twitch to the left or to the right over the course of 85 yards, it's going to vary six inches left or right maybe. Whereas at 45 would just be like a little bit, you know, and you think you're still dead on and it's it just magnifies all the flaws in your technique. So it's like a you lose yourself in it because while when you're at full draw, and I'm not I'm not even talking about bow hunting. I'm just talking about target archery. When you're at full draw and you're really trying to hit that target, you have no room for anything else. There's no room in your your mind for your your bills or an argument you had with a business partner or [ __ ] tickets you haven't paid. None. There's no room just everything goes away. It cleans the mind because it requires all of your focus. Yeah, that's the best part of it. That's the best part of it. Everything after that, it just becomes like everything else. It becomes like a vehicle for you to like express yourself. Whether it's learning how to play a guitar, it's shooting a bow, playing pool, playing basketball. It's like you're just finding a vehicle for you to express your spirit. You ever let go of an arrow and like a bird like that would be crazy like Randy Jackson? You ever see Randy Jackson? That was nuts. Bird exper that guy was a house. That guy threw heat. He was like 7 foot one. He was so happy. He was a gangly guy. [ __ ] bird exploded. It was perfect. It was like the universe threw us a bone, right? Like the universe like was something [ __ ] up. Yeah, that's funny. Yeah. Like every now and then the universe does that live TV. You just continue this feathers on the floor that it's like a Looney Tune. That video is nuts. Boom. Yo, that video is disintegrated. That video is nuts. And he's a lefty, too, son. Look at the slow-mo. That bird god, dude. What a mistake that bird made. It's just crazy that it didn't just like kill the bird, but knocked every single feather loose. You just cooked that thing. Every single feather. Put it right on the fire. It's like It's like when you get into like an accident, like your shoes and socks come off, you know? It's like every feather when Oh my god. Let me see when uh There's something about lefties, too. Yeah. I think lefties learn things better than righties. I know a lot of lefties that are like really good at [ __ ] It seems like the lefties that are like really good, they're like exceptionally good. Weird. Like oddly good. Yeah. I think seeing everybody do everything opposite and forcing your brain to adapt to this world where you're writing and you're you're smudging your paper all the time, writing the wrong way. It's all weird, right? And then you're seeing everybody's doing everything with their right hand and you're doing it with your left and you're supposed everything seems wrong to you. Everything's so by doing that you have to like really think about your movements. So I think but the left hand it comes out early, right? It's like inherent. That movement is inherent. It's not like they're working at it, right? So, it's like I don't know. Do they even do they have to think about those things or like is it just like coming Oh, they definitely do cuz everything's reversed. Like if someone tries to teach you something, they have to teach you the opposite way. It is a right-handed person's game. Usually, like say if you're a boxing coach and you only fight orthodox, you've only fought orthodox your whole life. And then some kid comes in and he says, "I'm left-handed." And you have to decide either you're going to teach this kid [ __ ] up and teach him left-hand first, which some people actually think is actually a benefit, right? In fact, some great boxers actually fought like Oscar De La Hoya fought dominant hand first. So, there's a few guys that have done that where they they will if they're right-handed guys with they'll put their right hand in front. But, for the most part, you would want to teach that kid how to fight as a southpaw, which would mean you would have to reverse everything, right? So, if you don't know how to do it the right if like your technique is off and you're showing them how to do something like you're not really. So the kid's got to like learn things from his stance and watch you and just duplicate it, like mirror it from the other side. Yeah. And sometimes that just teaches you more about the movement itself cuz you think about it cuz like one of the things they say if you really want to learn something, um say if you like in a martial arts skill, if you're you have a dominant side, like if you're really good at throwing a kick with your right leg, if you throw it and practice it and get it better with your left leg, your right leg will improve as well. Oh, that's interesting. I didn't I never heard that. It makes that I feel like Yeah, because you're kind of Yeah, I I could see how that it gives you a more comprehensive understanding of what you're doing. And they say that about pool, too. Like I can't really play with my left hand. I can make like simple shots with my left hand, but there's guys that can just switch hands. The ambidextrous people are like probably aliens. Yeah. Just equal both on both like equal. They could do it without this crazy example from the get in professional pool. There's this kid named John Moira, elite like top of the food chain pro pool player. Hurts his shoulder. Can't play right-handed anymore. Learns how to play left-handed and becomes world class left-handed. Wow. Learned as a professional when he hurt his arm that he had to start playing left-handed. started playing left-handed and started winning like like world class events as a lefty, beating world class top of the food chain pool players who've been playing right-handed their whole life and he's been playing lefty for like two years. Yeah, it's nuts. I can't write my name. I broke my arm once and I had to write my name and I write everything with my left hand. It was [ __ ] terrible. Yeah. No, it's like there's nothing there and I draw. So, I was trying to learn how to draw with my left hand. Yeah. But I think it now in retrospect, it might have helped me draw better with my right hand. I think if you can learn how to do something, that's why I think lefties are better at stuff cuz I think What do you draw? Well, I used to want to be a comic book illustrator when I was a kid. So, I drew a lot a lot of comic book stuff. Oh, [ __ ] Yeah. You do that still? No. No, not anymore. You don't miss it? Uh, I mean, I can do it. I can pick it up, but I would have to get into it really to like achieve the skill that I used to have and then I would like I don't have any time. Yeah, it's fun. I love drawing, but I don't have any time. School always like blew my mind. They'd just be sitting there drawing like comic book like literal like that good. Oh, yeah. Yeah. You selftaught or you just kind of Yeah, mostly selftaught. See, that's also got to be something that's I mean, if you start from nothing and just like I don't know. I I feel like that's inside you somewhere as well, like to be a naturally gifted just to know how to Some people are just better at that than Well, I had a very artistic family. My uncle S and my uncle Vinnie were both artists. Okay. So my mom's brothers, both brothers were artists. What kind of artists? One of them ran a pottery guild and he was an art teacher and the other one did a bunch of different types of art uh photography and did a lot of album covers. Did album covers for Kiss. Yeah. Yeah. And he took me to work with him once and I got to meet Ace Freely when he had no makeup on. Like before before anybody knew what they really looked like. Became a clown. No. No. Well, they had makeup on back then, but no one knew what they looked like in real life, right? So, he showed up in the office with no makeup on. I was like, "This is crazy. That's wild." And I think I was probably like 10, you know, and I was like, "This is nuts." I was just hanging out with my uncle in the office. Yeah. And [ __ ] Ace Freely walked in. That's That's wild. My My third grade teacher, um, her brother was the drummer in Twisted Sister. No. Yeah. Tony Piro. We're not going, right? He He's the first like I mean like rock star that crossdressed like D Snider and them, right? Yeah. They were they were one of the big glam Yeah. like glam rock bands, but it was almost crossdressing. That's him on the on the right of D, right? Like you would kind of you would say Yeah, that's I mean that's that's you would ask his pronouns. You know what I'm saying? That that's like poison all those groups back then. But um so yeah. So she lived so we lived in these little garden apartments. Look at that. That's so ridiculous, bro. They were huge. They were huge. They were [ __ ] huge. Beauty Mark added or is that natural? See that? Uh I don't know. Maybe they added it. I think it's like a Marilyn Monroe one. Remember when ladies were doing that? They were adding a fake beauty mark. Like what are you doing, honey? So this guy So my teacher lived upstairs from us in the apartment building. So he used to go be at her house all the time. So I was in grammar school. I was in I was like I I couldn't have been more than like eight something like that and my dad was the superintendent of the apartment buildings and so he knew everyone and my teach that was my teacher so we met him at a young age and he used to come over my house all the time. So I have pictures of me at like my parents in my parents kitchen like just sitting down eight years old in my pajamas with him and just eating like a tuna sandwich and he's like literally dressed like that. He's in like I have I swear to God, dude. I have one where he's in full electric blue spandex pants. Oh my god. And like a jean a ripped jean jacket with his hair all up and I'm just It's just me and him sitting at the table. I'm just saying. Oh my god. Oh, dude. That's so ridiculous. We used to I remember back then. Did you ever have the like Did you were you into like you have the the denim jacket? I had a denim jacket and then we got like the patches all over it. Oh yeah. And then when we graduated like everyone would sign like the take a Sharpie a black marker and like sign your your jacket. I don't think that exists anymore. Well, no. That kind of thing. Yeah. Denim jackets were a sign you were a rebel. I had wearing a denim jacket. Especially if you have a pack of cigarettes in a denim jacket. Yeah. You know, I remember there's this one kid. You you know sometimes when you're like 14, you see some kid that like you never seen before and you're like, "Wow, that guy is so cool." There was this dude. He had a denim jacket on and a pack of cigarettes in his pocket and he just had perfect hair and he just looked cool like this Italian looking kid. I'm like that guy looks so cool. I wish I was cool. Yeah, I can never be that cool. He was like smoking cigarette on a [ __ ] in the breezeway. I was like that guy like he's in a movie. That guy's in a movie. I was a dork. I was trying to hide from people. I was trying to do that influenced me so much that I took my money that I made for confirmation and I bought a Van Halen replica guitar. I swear I bought it I Did you learn how to play? No, not a [ __ ] chord. I It was the red guitar with like the white lines on it. It was like a famous Eddie. So, was this a kids one though and I bought it at this place still there, Mode Music on Bass. It's a I took all my money. I bought that. I bought an amplifier. I bought a guitar case and I I spent all my money on it and I never used it. Never took it out of the I I I like you know just never used it. I have it to this day. Wow. Like well you learn as a part of your workout regimen. Yeah. I like a mental concentration workout. Yeah. It is kind of right. I used it one time. It came to it came full circle on on on the show. Um do you know the band Imagine Dragons? Yes. Okay. So we I met uh met them along the way friendly with them. So before they well they was big cuz this was Jones Beach which is like 15,000 people. They sold that out. Whoa. They were playing Jones Beach. It was like maybe again 10 years ago and we they made me they threw me out on stage before they came out as one of the opening acts and I had to sing and play guitar to almost almost 15,000 people. And I don't sing or play guitar and they didn't tell me what songs. I had to make it up on the spot. Oh no. Me and my buddy Joe who they put him as the drummer. They introduced us as a band called Senor Alonza which was the name of our high school Spanish teacher. And so oh my god there was three opening acts before us which is bonkers right there. And so when when they were about to come on they they made it like they were going to come on. They lowered the lights and all those freaking spotlights started going all over the place and the place went nuts and then they introduced the fourth opening act and us two walked out. He got with the uh he got behind the drums and I used that guitar that I bought in 1989, June 89. I I finally used it in like 2015 and they just they're like, "All right, go. You're an opening act." And that's all they said. Oh my god. And I just started like just hitting the guitar and and just just making up songs and stuff and we were getting booed [ __ ] People were throwing things at us and everything. I didn't Can we hear it? This probably is like copyrighted. No. No. I made it up. Oh. Oh, you mean because of the show? No, I doubt that. Let's Let's play some. [Applause] Can I see it, Jamie? I put in your pants pocket a dedication for this set. Open it up and read it. Oh, you had to dedicate the set. Play a few songs tomorrow. Yeah, the dedication was terrible because I We're going to play Look, Mommy, I'm a rock star. Oh, boy. All right. This is This is uh one of our favorites. [Applause] He doesn't know how to [Laughter] look. I'm a rockar. I'm a rockar. Let me ask you something. How badly does he suck out there? It's probably is is worse than I imagine. Imagination Dragon. Yeah. [Laughter] They made me sing five songs. Oh my god. Shut your face, Grandma. Oh my god. Um Oh my god. Yeah. So they also they made me call them the imagination dragons right in the beginning. And I dedicated I said the I said everyone just calm down. The imagination dragons will be out in in a little while. And then the dedication was like this. It was in Long Island. I was like, it was like this, this uh this set is dedicated to the people of Pittsburgh because I could already tell that you guys are not going to be half as good an audience as them. And then I started playing. They were booing us and everything. Oh my god. And then at one point a guy came to like a guy came on stage and he tried to grab my guitar from me and I just I didn't know what was going I mean I was like a deer in the headlights out there. It was like 14 and I just pushed him away and he's like trying to grab my car and I'm pushing him away and I'm singing through it, right? I'm cursing also because I'm just like free freewheeling it up there and I they're like they're Mormons. They don't really curse. And so like they were like I I didn't get the memo. I wasn't supposed to curse. Oh no. And so I'm dropping fbombs. I I I I sang a song called [ __ ] the Imagination Dragons. I'm better than them. [ __ ] you. How long did you sing for? I would say I would say like probably somewhere like eight, seven, eight minutes something. And then so this guy I mean I'm I'm getting hit with ice everything so long. And then uh and then this guy he keeps trying to get the the guitar for me. I'm ripping it from him and I'm like [ __ ] the magic and he's trying to and I I wouldn't let him have it. And I didn't realize that was the official union stage manager trying to get me off the stage because there's a curfew that they have to hit and they have to do their full show and they have to do their finale. And as soon as they go, you know, this past curfew on a union stage, the entire thing is like double time for every single worker there. And then there's penalties. It's hundreds. It could be like $100,000 a month. Yes. And so no one tells me who this guy is. So I'm shoving the real union stage manager off of me cuz I thought he was trying to just sabotage me and I thought I had to stay out there. So I push him away. I push him away. The guy's like, "Give me the goddamn guitar." I'm like, "I'm not taking," you know. And I found out afterwards that that was like official and I was supposed to get off and I didn't. I caused them later because they couldn't not do their encore. Their encore went into overtime. And the encore that dude, he gets hooked up to cables. They lift him into the air and they spin him in circles while he plays drums. It's wild. And they said they they went into they went into the bonus and they had to pay all these fees because of because of me. Oh no. Did you guys reimburse them? No. I don't have money to reimburse them. Like I just I I I know I to there still our friends, but like and at the end they're like stage dive off and I'm looking in the crowd and I'm like I'm going to I'm going to kill myself. These people are going to catch me. Like they hate me, right? And they stage dive stage dive. So I just ran and I jumped off. But I kind of just like landed on the floor and rolled like no one caught me. Just it was Yeah, it was it was rough. It was rough. But that's the guitar. That's how cool I thought that he was in Twisted Sister. Like that's how cool I was like, "Look at this guy. I got Which one of your friends told you to stage dive? [ __ ] him. Whoever was I don't know. I just That is so irresponsible. I know. Well, they weren't they were never going to catch me. And like I just they saw me and I just I kind of jumped off. I think as I as I'm in the air jumping off, I got hit with a soda. Like it was bad. Oh my god. That's so ridiculous. That's so ridiculous. Yeah. The show is cra. The show has given me like a lot of opportunities to do stuff like I would never have done like that. Well, who the [ __ ] ever gets to do something like that? Yeah. The the balls to stand up there while those people hate you and go through with whatever they're telling you to say. I had a ping of anxiety. Did anybody let them know afterwards that it was for I I don't recall. I don't recall. I I I would imagine maybe they came out and said something, but I don't I don't remember. It was like 10 years ago. That's funny. There was another time they put us in uh the Devils during uh in between periods. They threw me as a goalie in in the net of the New Jersey Devils and all the Devils came out and took slap shots on me, me and my buddy Q. It was two of us in net and it was scarier than that. Like they were taking blistering slap shots at us. I was in full devil's gear as a goalie and I I remember there was a someone from like Sports Illustrated or something was there and I have this I saved it like a a chain of his tweets that he was tweeting and he's like I don't know what's going on here but the Devils are apparently taking snapshots at a civilian. He's down on the ground. He's very hurt. This is not a good promotion. He's like I don't think that the devils should be doing this type of promotion with fans. He didn't know it was our show. Oh wow. And he's he's like Did you get hurt? No. Oh, not not not like hurt hurt. It hurt, but I didn't get hurt. Okay. So, but when you were down, he didn't need to be concerned. I got back up, but like it was like it still was hitting me like in the neck and it's like Yeah, like you have the guard on and stuff. Does the guard protect your neck? It It hurt bad. You know, it hurt. Where does it cover does it cover your neck? Yeah. Everything was covered, but it's still like still taking a puck like like a 90 mph to the chest. And pucks are so hard, too. Yeah. And I I played hockey in in K in like late grammar school and high school. I played hockey and I and I started as a goal roller hockey goalie, but it it doesn't you can't compare the two things. Oh, you ever see some old photos of the old school goalies with scars all over their face, dude. No, they didn't even wear [ __ ] helmets back then. Yeah, it's crazy. They just played without helmets. A puck hits you in the mug on Tuesday. You're done. Yeah. You got to play again next week. My my first ever uh my first ever try out for ice hockey in high school was I we we it was hard to play hockey back then. Like there wasn't a lot of like it was expensive and there wasn't a lot of rinks. We drove like two hours up to like uh like Bear Mountain or some crap like 3 hours with my family, my dad, my stepmom, and they had to wait in the stands cuz they can't drop you off and go home cuz it's you just drove 3 hours. So they're watching these tryyouts and it was my first time I ever put ice skates on in my life. I had played roller hockey already, but I never put on ice skates in my life. So, it was kind of like you were saying, like just trying to play like left-handed or whatever. I was like, "Oh, maybe it'll transfer, you know, and I put on these ice skates and it didn't." I was really bad. But, um, someone took a slap shot and it got deflected into the into the stands. So, whatever. I didn't think anything of that. At the end of the triyouts, I went back, got my glove, got my bag, walked back out, and my my stepmom was out there with her eye was this big. The ambulance was there. She bleeding black and blue, stitches, everything. The puck hit her right in the face. Oh my god. During my tryyouts. Yeah. Oh my god, dude. Right in the face. Oh, I was like, "Oh my god." Like it was Her face was this big. Blood everywhere. She was already black and blue. A gash right here. Does that happen all the time to her? Do the people in the crowd. Do people in the crowd get hit? I got it. Yeah. They had to put up nets because a couple people died. Jesus. Yeah. Yeah. And this is a high school kid. Oh my god. That was a high school deflection. Like imagine like the devils taking slapshots at you. Yeah, bro. That's crazy. Yeah. Those guys taking slapshots at you. Could you even react to it? Like when did you see it coming? it like do you could you see the puck? It was like um a split-second battle between whether I would like try to like like actually block it or just like wse and take it like cuz it was like it was faster than you know I was prepared for obviously like can you skate? Not these days you know. There's that. I just found something interesting that picture that we've always seen. Let me find it like this. Yeah, it's not real. It's a recreation of all the times he's had stitches in his life. Oh, this says it's what? But the scars on his face are real. What it would look like if uh the other one 16 years of professional hockey. The problem is like the one on the left, you can't really see very good. It's he's very shadowy, but you could tell he's got scars everywhere. You know, those guys just took it in the face all the time. They had that. This says that the first guy wore a mask in 1929. This guy. When did they figure it out? Yeah. Look at him. He's already His nose is already busted. He's like, "All right, I'm putting a [ __ ] mask on." That guy's probably a genius. He he had the mask and before he got his nose busted like Well, like he got his his nose is actively busted, right? So, he didn't have the mask on afterwards. That's what I'm saying. He's like, "Let me put this thing on." Or maybe he broke his nose with the mask on. I mean, if you take a full one to the nose. Yeah. It's not like it's not a smash against your nose. It's gonna smash. Or was it? One of them had had the blood going through. There you go. Right there. The blood is going through the nose. Oh god. I guess it's just the whole Yeah. But dude, they just That's a hard sport. Built different. That That is a hard man's sport. And it's the only sport where you're allowed to fight to this day. Crazy. Just let them have it. It's the weirdest thing. Just grandfathered in. Yeah. All and all the like extra precautions now and the CTE stuff and all that stuff and they it just hasn't even permeated like they they haven't had a meeting, not a vote. It just like No, the guys need to fight. They need to fight. It's crazy. It's part of the sport. Do you feel like it's less fighting now or No, I don't know. I don't watch hockey. I haven't watched in a minute. Yeah. Um you know, I grew up in Boston. If you said you had to be like say it in whispered tones like I don't I don't watch hockey cuz people would get mad at you. This big Bruins town. Everybody loved hockey. But for me, I was like I don't like being cold. So, uh, I don't I don't like skating. I don't have time for this. So, it's a lot. It's involved. You need something, but it's a fun sport to watch. It's a really fun sport to watch. It's fast as [ __ ] It's You got to be in really good shape to play hockey cuz those guys are just moving, moving, moving, moving, moving, moving. And it's like this delicate balancing act you're doing on metal. It's graceful, too. As much as it's as it's just, you know, brute brute brutal. Sure. Like when you watch a guy like Bobby or in his prime, the way he was able to maneuver through people, the the movement, it's crazy. Beautiful swans. Yeah. It's like a dance. It's a dance and a sport at the same time. Really amazing sport when you think about it that way. And then the speed of it, too. It's a fast [ __ ] sport, man. Like, you cannot be out of shape and play that sport. That was the only time I was in shape in my life, probably. It's fitness, man. You're you're constantly kind of sprinting with skates, you know? you move so much core movement and when I did that I skated everywhere like and I was roller I played roller hockey verse but when I was when I was like in my like four or five years that I was like obsessed with it I played every day I roller skated everywhere. Oh wow. So you were with that guy out there roller skating on the streets. Yeah. Like wow man. Yeah. Well that's smart. That's a great way to keep up those skills. Like you're going to have to walk anyway. You already know how well you can skate. Why not just skate there? Yeah. It was kind of like skateboarding. Like why wouldn't I get there like five times faster or whatever? The dudes try to knock you over ever when I played hockey. No, when you're skating by them, you know, cuz that's you see a guy with roller skates on, you're kind of kind of tempted to go, "Fuck this guy." I mean, I wasn't I I wasn't like it wasn't like roller skating like on Venice Beach like with like my headphones and like, you know, I didn't look like, you know, a cornball. I just I just You know, some people they don't like people in roller skates. Like some when I lived in California, uh motorcycles were allowed to split the lanes, you know, and Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah. Which is crazy. It's really dangerous cuz But if you have a motorcycle, you can get by in traffic when everybody else is [ __ ] You're zipping right through. And I remember one time I watched this guy see this dude coming up beside us. And I moved to the left to give this guy a little room so he could pass. And the dude in front of me moved into the lane on purpose to stop this guy from passing him for no reason at all. And that's going to happen with that, too. Yeah. Yeah. No, I don't I don't recall really. It was good for my curfew cuz I used to go to my my girlfriend's house. My dad was like, "You have to be home by like 11." And it was like probably like couple of miles. And so like that's a long time to be not running in any bullies. That's what that's there of you guys out there that would just make that decision, you know, [ __ ] him, [ __ ] knock him off. I just lace him up and uh there was actually a huge hill like half half halfway there. Like I got up the Yeah. I mean flying. So I just stand and I'd be going like I probably be going like 30 30 Oh my god. 30 miles an hour. If I wiped out it would have been bad. And if someone pulled out, right? Was there any cars that could have possibly No, it was it was a service road of a highway and it was late at night. So I wouldn't do it if there was cars. You're doing it late at night on a service road of the highway. You know how crazy that sounds? Yeah. But it wasn't that crazy. It wasn't that crazy, but I would get home in 5 minutes whereas normally it would have taken me like 15 minutes or you get a nice little workout. Yeah. Yeah. I gave all that up. Yeah. I remember when I got out like into the workforce, I was out of college. One of my buddies was like, "You want to go shoot the puck around today?" I'm like, I haven't done it in like five or six years. He's like, let's go. And we went and we went to like a little roller rink that like a hockey rink there and we we skated around for about I must have been 20 minutes. You know that burn that you get in your throat like the trachea stuff cuz when you haven't like maybe you don't because you haven't like you're consistently working out, but like when you're not in shape and then you try to play a sport or something and and it just feels like your insides are on fire. Have you felt that? Not like that. I know. I know what you're saying though. You start to like almost like uh cough up like flem and stuff. So this is like you no cardio at all, no nothing. Oh man, I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack. You're doing that out of like after just like maybe like 5 years removed. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Just 5 years of not working out at all and then you try to skate I would imagine. Yeah. Your body unfortunately your body will just fall into a state of disrepair. I'm thinking of leave it alone. It's like if you have a house, if you own a home, one of the things you find out as soon as you get your f first home is [ __ ] breaks all the time. There's always some [ __ ] pipe that breaks. There's this that goes out. There's that that [ __ ] up. The AC's broken. There's always something. You're always That's the same [ __ ] with your body. It's the same [ __ ] And if you put it into a state of disrepair and you don't fix the AC, you don't [ __ ] My pipes are bad. The pipes are bad. You don't deal with it. You just let your house flood. Like, that's the problem. The problem is we most of us, you know, are like bad landlords. Yeah, that's me, man. Slum lords. We're slum lords for our body. Yeah. I'm trying to change it. No, you are changing it. Don't say trying. Trying makes it seem like you might quit. You're not going to quit. That's right. There you go. He told me when cuz I'm going to be here and I'm away from home the next week. He's like, "You got to go at least three times and send me pictures of yourself." We could work out here. Yeah. I got a gym right here. Yeah. Yeah. We could work out after the show. I wouldn't want to bring you down, bro. No, we just have a little workout. Just a little something. Yeah. Yeah. If you want to keep doing it. Yeah. If you want to keep it up while you're here, the the main thing about working out is momentum. It's number one more than anything else is momentum. And if you lose your momentum, then it's hard to get going. But once you get going, you get a couple workouts in a row, you're like, "Oo, this is it. I do it. This is what I do. [ __ ] yeah. We're doing it again." Just don't kill yourself. Don't get yourself to when you wake up, you're like, "Oh, [ __ ] Yeah. Ooh. And you're so sore and you you're going to go to the gym right now. That's kind of stupid. You really shouldn't. You should never don't. You're not a pro alete. Don't get yourself to that spot. But as long as you just keep doing it, that's the key. It's just I think that's with almost everything in life. That's what alcoholics say. It's, you know, one day uh at a time. They just next day, next day get some momentum. Now I'm not drinking for two years. Now I'm not drinking for five years. I got all these coins and [ __ ] Yeah. It's the same thing. It's just like we we have to just make healthy patterns and you can do it. You're doing it right now. The next time I come back I'll be like Jack have a pose off next time. I'm not I'm just I'm just looking to live longer. You know who looks good? Shane. See how big he got? No. Shane's been working out here. Yeah. Yeah. Shane has been working out like super regular. He got really into working out. We started doing these comedians workouts here and then uh Shane Park. Yeah. Shane got my friend Shawn to start training them and Sean Parkour. Yeah, I haven't talked to Shane yesterday, but I haven't seen him. I I actually, you know what's so funny? The last picture I saw of him like or not the last picture, but recently I saw he was filming this that John Madden movie. Oh yeah. And that paparazzi took that photo of him in character with the mustache coming out of his trouser. I haven't seen that. I haven't seen that. It was an unflattering shot. like he's he's talked about it and that's so that's the last thing I like really saw in his you could probably pull that you could probably it's pretty freaking funny. You could see he locks eyes with the photographer just as he's coming out and it's like he's already meant to look I think frumpy from the character. That's hilarious. Yeah. That's hilarious. That's awesome. He's going to be and he's Jack John Madden. He'd be per Well, he first I don't think he's Is he Madden? No, I don't think he's Madden. Who is he supposed to be? He's just someone in the Madden universe. Nick Cage. Oh, Nick Cage is John Madden. Whoa. Which in the movie is Al Davis. Oh, really? Whoa. Whoa. Is there a photo of Nicholas Cage as John Madden? I want to see that. Oh, that's young John Madden. Well, that that's Nicholas Cage. Oh, the hair does look like Madden's hair. Oh, they did something to his face, though. No, they did a little something to his face. They did a little something to Wait, wait, didn't they? Wait though. How funny is it that you looked in shame and said that he was John Madden. I thought he was John Madden. Cuz he said I thought he was John Madden. He could pass for him. I swear when I when I first clicked on it, I was like shades. I said this. I said this. That's hilarious. Oh, there it is. Oh, yeah. They definitely did some stuff to him. They did some stuff to him. Yeah, he's got like a face thing on. Wow. That's crazy. He looks like him, man. Like even the body. They got the body right. That's nuts. Christian Bale. Whoa. Oh, is that Christian Bale? That's Christian Bale. Yeah, that's nuts. That guy's a [ __ ] chameleon. Wow. Yeah, that'll be sick. Wow. Biopics, man. Those two guys. Oh, wow. That's cool. Um, what were we just talking about? We're talking about guys getting Oh, the chain got big. Oh, yeah. Got stout. He must be putting in work then because I'm I'm also like only doing it three days a week. So because I just started and I don't want to like you know I don't know if he's been on it recently because he just did t he's about to do tires again. He's like you know the boy's busy. I know fell's busy. I know. Every time they're killing it. I know. Good. I love it. Love to see it. He's the man. I uh you know what I got [ __ ] for after the last time I was on what? I uh I so many people came up to me after the last I was like dude I I saw you know the Rogan episode and you didn't finish a story and I'm I'm the amount of people that said this to me. I must have been like yeah I I started to tell you a story about an experience I had I think with a ghost because I never I didn't believe in ghosts and I start I guess I started to tell and didn't finish it. Can I tell you the amount of people that came out was like, "What the [ __ ] man? You can't start." Well, you can't just start it from the end, though. I know. You're going to have to start anyway. Retell the beginning of the story. The very end. Retell the beginning of the story cuz otherwise people are going to go, "What the [ __ ] is he talking about?" Then they'll have to go back and listen to the whole podcast. So many people though that I finally I was like, I I swear to God if I go back on I will bring it up and I'll try to retell again. Let's retell the story. I I just I'm doing this for them. I just I don't know how great the story is. I so we would talk I was saying hi I just I don't believe in them but I had this experience I don't know what to make of it. Okay. Okay. So so I was I lived alone at the time and I I um when I go to sleep at night I lock my I lock my uh my bedroom door. This is something I do. So I locked my door and uh I was laying in bed and I had the television on and a lot of times I'll put the TV on mute but keep the TV on when I fall asleep. Something I do. So I was telling you how cuz I sleep with a CPAT machine. how I would wrap myself up in a cocoon cuz I had an air source. So I I like it's like a sarcophagus. I like put everything over my head and I tuck in my feet my and I put my like I swear you just see a tube coming out. It's it's amazing. It's like the sensory deprivation things. Right. Right. Okay. That's what it's like. Okay. So I got used to that. So anyway, I had just I was wide awake. I just muted my television and I wrap myself up like a [ __ ] burrito and I had the seat on. I'm laying there and I always stick like one foot or one hand out. It's just a nice cool breeze. It's like a fun little thing to do when you're wrapped up like that, right? And I had my hand out. So, this was out and I'm just laying there and I thought I heard something or somebody. I don't know if it was talking or I heard what I thought was like the door open. I suppose like again wasn't asleep that I wasn't asleep. I was just I was just about to fall asleep. I wouldn't even like I just laying there. Sure. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. But I didn't sleep and wake up or nothing like that. Got it. And I wasn't it wasn't I wasn't laying there 20 minutes. It wasn't like that. And I I'm laying there and I heard walking or the door or something. And so I listened more intently and I I didn't hear anything again. And then all of a sudden I felt I don't know if it's a hand, whatever you want to call it, pressure squeeze. Oh, right here on my hand, right? I just I just felt my hand get squeezed and I What's going on in my mind is I thought there was an intruder in the house initially, right? like an intruder came in the house and I know I'm feeling this. I'm like I'm this all happened in seconds but I'm thinking okay I heard something now this pressure on my hand and it went tighter and tighter and I'm like someone is squeezing my hand right now. I have to act like I'm not feeling this because I don't know what's about to happen. But then I started in the same vein. I'm like if this was a home intruder why would they do this? It doesn't make any sense to me. Like so aren't they going to wake me up? Like wouldn't they try to get in and out? I'm thinking of this in a split second and the pressure is such that it actually begins to hurt. Not hurt like ow get off but like like oh that's squeezing you know I mean and I'm like all right I am going to have to jump up and fight right now or something something's happening here. And I said are you awake? Are you awake? I'm I'm like I'm I'm I'm literally I'm awake. I'm awake right now. I'm laying here. I'm looking I'm feeling my hand. I am fully awake. And I was like, I feel like I either have to count to three, jump up and get ready to fight or I could I'm vulnerable and I don't know what's going to happen to me. I might as well I'll just take charge of the situation whatever I can, right? And I just took a breath and I was like, "All right, here I go." And I and I uh did they let go? They let go. I felt the pressure release off my hand. And so that's when I was like laying there with it limp and I was like, "I'm going to jump up right now and I'll just whatever happens happens." And it was like nerve-wracking. And I just jumped up in my bed up. And so I was standing on the bed. I like threw the things off and I just like was ready to And there was nothing there on my door. How long was something squeezing your hand for? Um I'll say less than 10 seconds. That's a long time. Yeah, maybe. Yeah, maybe like 10 seconds. Cuz it was first it was on me and then it was more pressure and then more pressure and then let go. And then when I jumped up, no one in my room, door locked. And so, and I was like, I'm up. I was up. I was just up. I'm not like sleeping. And it freaked me out. I turned every light on, opened my door, walked around the house. I almost like I was like, do I leave? Like maybe the aliens thought you were trying to kill yourself. What? Maybe the aliens. Maybe maybe that's what it was. Maybe it was an alien came down like, "Hey, buddy. You what are you doing? You all right on wrapped up? You're wrapped up with a tube coming out." I was like, "This guy might be offing himself. We've never seen this before. I want an explanation." They're like, "When the people sleep, they never sleep with their head covered. We need to get in." And they just went in and just grabbed his hand. We need Sal to stay alive. It definitely looks weird from the outside when I sleep. Like if you saw a picture of it, it looks like what the [ __ ] going on. Shane was telling us a story the other night about how he had like uh like, you know, they talk about like sleep paralysis demons. Yeah. Like he had sleep paralysis. He had an experience of like a thing standing over his bed with like a white face like a and he couldn't move. This happened to Shane. Yes. And I go, "Dude, how many by an alien?" Was was he No, he said he was sober. Really? He was younger. Yeah. He was like I think he said he was 23 or 24 when it happened. Yeah. Okay. So I go, "Dude, you got abducted." I think the aliens came. Yeah. Oh sh Yeah. I think that's what he was seeing. I think he was waking up from it and there was one right there and they had him paralyzed. Yeah. I don't know why an alien would be in my bedroom. Well, I think there's aliens that monitor a lot of people if they're real and there's a lot of stories. Had they get in though because that little they can just they could just appear. They go through right through walls apparently. Doesn't matter. I think if they've let if they've reached a level of technological superiority where they could travel instantaneously through vast distances in space, which is what they think they're able to do, like able to bend gravity and just and just like reappear on the other side. They just go right through your wall, bro. Okay. So, why why are they playing with my fingers? Because they like you. They're bending time and space. They're traveling. They get to my my little one-bedroom apartment and they stand in there and and watch me with my CPAP and then squeeze my three fingers. Maybe they like your sense of humor and they would like you to stay around and they think you're a positive contribution to the culture and they don't want to mess up the delicate balance of the human race. They need more funny people. Maybe that's it. It makes no sense though, right? Of course it doesn't make sense. UFOs don't make sense. Aliens don't make sense. Ghosts don't make sense either. So grabbing your hand doesn't make sense. No, it doesn't make sense. But I but I I it it just it sucks that I'll never have an answer. Well, it could have been just a spasm. And one thing that could happen is your hand could have locked up for whatever weird reason cuz it happens all the time. It could happen with your foot. It could happen leg what it feels like to be locked up. This this felt as as pure as can be like a like this doing this. You ever be watching TV with your wife and and you start snoring and she goes, "Are you asleep?" You're like, "No." Yeah. But you really were. Yeah. Do you think maybe you thought you were awake, but you were like right there. I mean, you're in there. That's the only explanation I got. You got a tube in your mouth. You got the CPAP. You're wrapped up like a mummy and then something's grabbing your hand. Maybe you're dreaming. That thing would have been scared. Probably scared when I jumped out with the mask on. No, but um or aliens. But but but here's the thing. I really took inventory before I jumped up to fight. Like I was like, I am awake. I am feeling this. I am not sleeping. I know I am. While you were feeling the pressure on your hand. Yes. Like I was saying to myself, I'm one you are 100% awake. Like this is happening to you right now. Okay. Aliens. Yeah. [ __ ] what? Aliens or ghosts? Um ghosts is what I thought. But yeah, maybe. What's the point? Well, ghosts seem to be in places where people die violently. Um, like the comedy store is a good example of that. The comedy store used to be Cro's nightclub. So, it was owned by Bugsy Seagull. So, for sure, somebody got whacked. Whacked. Somebody got whacked. And uh, you know, there's also talk that like they used the basement to do illegal abortions. It's like there's a lot of like folklore around that place because it was a mobun nightclub. They're going have to start doing that again soon this day and age. But so many people that worked there over the years that I was there. So many people that like people that were like late night bartenders or uh security experience. Yeah. They all had weird a few comics a few comics that were like reliable, reasonable people had bizarre experiences. Carl Leau was asleep on stage and he said he he got kicked out of his house. Him and his wife got in a fight, left, [ __ ] you. I'm going to make it. You know, goes to his girlfriend at the time. I think I don't even think it was the same person, but anyway, he's at the comedy store sleeping on the stage and he hears the seats clink around in the dark like something's moving the seats and he he goes, "Hey, it's uh it's me, Carl. I got kicked out of my house. I'm just sleeping on the stage." He doesn't hear anything. And then all of a sudden, something grabs his ankle and drags him off the stage onto the floor and starts pulling him through the crowd and then just lets go. And then he hears a door slam and then another door slam on the outside and he's laying in the middle of the comedy store main room. There's no people there. He has no idea what the [ __ ] happened. He didn't see anything. He just felt something grab him and drag him off the stage and into the crowd. And he never he wasn't like a guy who'd made things up, right? He didn't have any other stories like that. But it's not like a one of the workers or another comic [ __ ] with him. No, I don't think so. No, I don't think so. They would have definitely told him after a while. And also I don't think so because he didn't see them like it. He was like I didn't see anyone grab me. He's like it's dark in there but it's not perfect darkness. He's like I didn't see whatever grabbed me and pulled me off the stage. It's like maybe they didn't like someone staying the night there. Maybe that's their time. Like you would do all your [ __ ] during the day with your bookkeeping and then at night time with your stupid jokes, but once you guys leave it becomes the ocean. It's mine. Yeah. becomes the ocean. It gets dark. You just get to see a place where a bunch of people died. Damn. Yeah, dude. There was a lot of There was a lot of suicide there, right? At the store. No, there was just one that store at the hotel next door. The guy jumped off the roof. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That was during the the days where the comics weren't making any money. So, what is this? The comedy store. Popular night. So, what does it say? One of the snazziest snazziest nightclubs during the 40s and the 50s. Built by nightclub imprrisario William Wilkerson in the late 1930s, Ciros offered top entertainment a swanky hangout for Hollywood stars and other high-profile people, including gangster Mickey Cohen, who used the club as his base of operations and had peoles drills in the walls so he could see who was coming and going. [ __ ] While dancing, drinking, and dining went up on upstairs with the sight of darker doings. Mob henchmen beat, tortured, and killed those who did not repay debts, owned uh competing clubs, betrayed trusts, or crossed the mob in some way. Pregnant showg girls and mob girlfriends received illegal abortions with at least one woman dying from her abortion. Weight staff, security guards, and office workers are reported seeing a frightened man in a World War II bomber jacket who fades upon sighting. What? a a huge black phantom in the basement and a man in his 1940s garb walking around the premises and through walls. They have heard a woman wailing in the basement when no one was there. Have experience strange pranks such as chairs stacking themselves in the in the middle of the stage and perfectly set tables becoming unset. Yeah. Everybody that I knew that worked there for a long period of time had something weird happen. A few guys saw things like one of the guys, I forget his name, man. It was like a old school comic that was hanging around there said that uh one night when he was a door man, he was uh going into the back bar area and some guy he saw some guy walk through the swinging doors um you know cuz there's like two sets of swinging doors. So he walks in and as he's walking in he sees this guy go through the other set. He's like, "Hey, uh we're closed." And he goes out into the hallway dead empty. I mean, instantaneously goes from seeing the guy walk through to, "Hey man, we're closed. There's a long hallway." And there's no one. No. No. No one ran. No one. Nothing. He's like, "Dude, I saw a guy. He he pushed open the [ __ ] the saloon doors." And it's not just him. Multiple people have had weird stories like that. And I always wonder like if someone dies in some horrific way like that that's like very violent, maybe it leaves like a memory. Maybe it leaves like a stain of what you know like the the universe force the peace love force of the universe is so disrupted by this vile act that it leaves this like stamps out like Yeah. this haunted memory that exists in the space because like they have to tell you if someone was murdered in a house. They do. Yeah. Oh, I didn't know that. I think there's a timeline, you know, like you can't say in the 1920s, someone was murdered there cuz someone was murdered at our club. Someone was murdered in our club in the 70s. No [ __ ] Mhm. Wow. Yeah. I forget the story. But the point is like if you buy a house, like they have to tell you. They have to disclose it. Yeah. Not every state. Not every state. Yeah. Some some states California does, but Texas says does not. We don't believe in that down here. We just bring in Jesus. I'm doing this bit because my um many states there's no duty to disclose a death. Oh, so it's only California and Alaska. What states make you Texas and Florida do not have to have a general duty for deaths unrelated to the property's condition? What if like a wall is splattered? Uh what if it's like a because I I am uh what's how many states uh make you tell those are the ones that believe in crystals? [Laughter] Right. Makes sense that it would be California, right? Doesn't it? Doesn't it make sense? Uh Alaska, California, and South Dakota. Only three states. That's nuts. Also, there's just a timeline, too. Oh, and California, uh 3 years. And in South Dakota, they 12 months. Get over it. 12 months. That's so Alaska says just within the past year. Oh, a suicide too in Alaska. They have it listed as suicide as well. That's interesting. What is the point of the 12 months? Get over it. Like, who's who's putting that in there? Life moves on, s we don't have to let you know if it's more than 12 months ago. That's actually shocking. I would have thought it would have been way more than that. Yeah, that's crazy. That's crazy. That really is crazy. I have him. I just recently um when uh my wife was not home for a few days and I and uh when we were having the baby and everything and uh I had to come home because I had work and I had to take care of my other daughter and stuff and I was never in bed without my wife there. Like I just it was the first time I was like laying in bed without her. That's when they come get you. That's when they get you, right? We know this, right? Yeah. Because she can't defend you, right? Exactly. No, this is a a new bit I'm doing based on something that happened to us. uh you know she I'm on the road now like all the time for comedy so she experiences that but I don't and I was like oh this is I feel vulnerable like like what if like I'm thinking I was like what if some an intruder or a killer or something like that you know right so I'm thinking to myself well she's what's she what's she going to do if she's here she's not going to do anything like I and I started to think well oh my her being home is just a false it's the illusion of security for me she might yell alert me to to the killer just you need one extra second [ __ ] She might yell, "Alert me." That that could help. Or the killer might kill her and and I get away. I don't want that to happen. But that's just like what could happen, right? She's not there. I'm like, "I need I need something in this house. I I don't have anything." So, I didn't think anything of this, but I I Amazon Primed the machete to the house, right? So, it came the next day. She didn't come home till 3 days later. So, I had the machete in the house now. Like, I felt better, but I was going to get a gun. I just, you know, whatever. I I think I I couldn't get a gun that quick anyway, right? So, and I don't even know if it's legal, whatever. So, I get this machete. I have it in the We have the king-size bed. It's a split king. So, I had it like in the crack of the bed. Okay. So, when she came home 3 days later, she got home at night. She hadn't been home in like six days. She took a shower. She had major surgery. She was healing. She just got in bed and it was already late at night. And so, I was in bed and like we I went in bed with her and we shut the lights and I was laying there. I forgot that I I I didn't tell her that I ordered a machete. forgot that it was in between the bed. So she so she felt it and and she's like, "What is this?" And I just was like I knew she wasn't going to be happy about it cuz I So it was just like, you know, that's our machete. We got we got we got a machete, Amazon Prime machete. And she's like, "You're not keeping the machete." Long story short, my what I was when I was laying there without her for a few days, I was like, "This is not a good weapon because I'm going to end up if an intruder comes, I'm going to machete them." And then I we can't live here anymore. You have to move. Yeah, you have to move. If you get into a machete fight with someone and you you you chop them up, you have to move right away pretty much. You don't even stay, never mind Thanksgiving, clean up. You don't stay the next day. And so I already started thinking, well, how do I sell this house then? If I'm machet like if I'm if I hit someone with a machete in here and they die right here, that's bad for the listing. But I don't have to disclose it now. Now that I learned I don't have to disclose it cuz I was like having an internal conflict. Just hold on to it for a year or one of those states. In New York, you don't have to tell anybody anything, right? Is that what it said? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I So I was worried about it. They asked though, you have to you have to Oh, you got to just call that. It's like, are you a cop? That's good. Are you okay? People thought that was real. That is the dirtiest trick they ever pulled in. You machete anyone here? No. You know if you machete someone, you have to tell us. Oh, you you got me. I'm an undercover cop. Yeah, that's funny, man. It is funny when you really stop and think about it because like that's such a crazy idea that you have to that you have to tell them. But they don't they lie about everything. Like uh the guys that infiltrate the mob, you like those kind of guys. Imagine if you have to tell. Are you an undercover cop? That's so funny. Oh, you got me. That that blows deep cover. It's like imagine if Bras Joe Pone. I had Joe Pone on the podcast. Did you? Yeah. Yeah. Recently. He's he'sing he's he's 18 months in deep on the cover and one of the guys like, "Are you a cop?" Imagine. Oh, because if you say no and you really are, the case gets thrown out. Could you imagine? Imagine that. That's the dumbest rule ever. some type of like like lore or something like that. Yeah. It's just like some thing they probably did on a TV show once. You know, you got to tell and people believed that when I was a kid, I remember people saying that if you're buying weed and the guy says that he's a cop. Yeah. Everyone, you got to ask him. Same. It's [ __ ] Complete [ __ ] Complete madeup stuff. But that's just one of those things you would hear when you were a kid. Yeah. You know, before the internet, you just just checked to see the truth. I thought it was real. Like I I felt not that I was doing anything that would have warranted me having to ask, but like I did feel like a sense of like I got something in my back pocket if if something's like if I don't know, you know, like if I'm if I'm at a party underage drinking and you know, you might be able to pull that out and rescue yourself. Oh, you got me. Get out of here, kid. The best is the followup where if if the cop says no and everyone's like, you know, you have to tell me if you are like like then the cop came. Oh, okay. Fine, fine, fine, fine. I forgot I had to tell you. I forgot. What's the origin of that? I don't know. That's so funny. Do you think that was like a television show or a movie or something? I bet it was. That is like I bet it was like a tool that they used in a tele or maybe it was like a CIA op to get people to think that they would be able to use that anytime so they don't worry about doing illegal [ __ ] Scops feel like the good answer for everything. Although it's probably an episode of like Matlock or something like that. Scops also account for your hand grip. Somebody gripping your hand. Some remote viewer reached out. Some CIA basement [ __ ] focused on your hand and squeezed it. Do you know I only learned what SCOP? I only learned the term SCOP with the drones recently. Oh, really? Yeah. I I never heard of Oh, that's crazy. Yeah. You You never heard of psychological operations that are done on not just this civilization, but others? No, I never heard I mean at least framed as a scop and then I was like, "What is that?" And I was like, you know, cuz with the drones, man, I was if that was a scop, I was fully scoped. Well, I don't know what that was, you know, cuz they were going to tell us supposedly and then they kind of just didn't. Yeah. No, I was waiting every day. Trump was like, I'm going to come when I'm in. I'm going to give you the full download immediately. It's ridiculous. I'll let you guys know what's going on specifically, blah blah blah. And then it was it was he said someone he didn't then he never addressed. Then someone else said to him like, "Hey, what was going on with those drones? Remember you going to tell us?" And he was like, "They're ours." And that's all he said. That was like that was like five weeks of I was watching drones outside outside my window every night. I had I [ __ ] binoculars. Like my wife's like, "Go to bed. You're going to drive yourself crazy." I'm like, "There's there's 12 drones outside right now." Yeah. You can't discount the idea that they're not telling you the truth, but they might have been ours, too. That's the problem. It might have been someone else's. That doesn't mean anything. Yeah. doesn't mean it. But it's weird how the administration before him refused to say anything and let it get to a fever pitch where people started to feel like completely like not that I don't trust the government already, but like it's it got to a point where I was like this is how are they allowed to just just tell us oh you're not see it's there that's not what you're seeing. Like it just was like I it was I was getting like really cuz now you know you think differently with kids and stuff like that. I'm like what's going on here? I started like uh I started Amazoning like dry foods and like survival manuals and stuff. I'm like what is are we going to go to war? Like what is going on? So there's a bunch of different possibilities, right? And all of them they don't have to be truthful about it. Nor would they be if it's a national security issue, it'd probably be better if they weren't truthful because people would freak out. It's also the potential that they are ours and we they did them on purpose to see how people would respond, right? So that's possible too, right? That it's also possible that they're not ours and there's someone else who's flexing on us and they're doing it in a way where they're showing you we have technological superiority. Our our stuff is way more advanced than yours. And if there would be a culprit in that regard, in my mind, it would be China. China, right? That's what I thought at first. China is so far ahead of the United States in drone technology. They're so far the United States in electric car technology. Yeah. Like they're doing some wild stuff over there. They they make I mean at least Taiwan does makes all the semiconductor chips or a lot of them. There's a lot of electronics that are being manufactured over there. They're very high level of sophistication for their engineering and all the design and all the stuff they're doing. They're they're doing some they're light years. Yeah. Singapore light years ahead of us. I think we're sleeping on how far advanced they are with certain stuff. They do drone shows that will [ __ ] blow you away. They have synchronized drones that do like stories in the sky. Have you ever seen them? The Chinese drone shows? I've seen like just light drone shows here where they like they form like an image or something like that. See, this is the thing about regulations. Regulations are good. You don't want a bunch of drones flying around slamming into planes. But the problem is if you only allow someone to fly these very sophisticated drones if they have a pilot's license and then you regulate everything the way they do in America and then you say you can't make this and you can't make that and we can't have this and you can't have that. You're stifling innovation while in China they're going hog wild. So they're not even thinking about regulating. They're making the best stuff they can make all the time and they have the best minds that they can have working on them cuz they have to, right? Go make me a [ __ ] drone army, right, Jamie? Pull up like the dragon one when they had the dragon in the sky. Dude, their [ __ ] is so far beyond what we're doing. I know. And that's why I thought and there was out there that that was them and that was the It could easily be that. But then Trump was just like, "It's just us. It's just us." Maybe that's what you have to say because if you say that China's flexing on us Oh my god. Yeah, dude. Like they have Oh my god. They have insane. And this isn't even the craziest one. They have other ones that are even crazier. Like these things are nuts. Oh my god. That's all independently flown. 100%. Like every single one of those lights. Every single one of those is independent. They're all different drones and they all are moving to the sync of some program they created. Oh my god, it's unbelievable, man. And that's just the pretty stuff right now. Imagine if they're doing that. What kind of military stuff do they have? What kind of stuff do they have that can block signals? What kind of stuff that they have that maybe has some sort of a novel power source or a novel battery supply, right? My friend saw one of them that just hovered overhead. He said this thing just hovered. He said it was as as big as a [ __ ] school bus and it was just hovering above his head in New Jersey. And he's like, "What the [ __ ] was that?" They were like the size of like cars. He said it wasn't a helicopter. It wasn't loud. Yeah. Then it took off. And some of them, they said when they were going after them, they shut their lights off and evaded pursuit. Yes. They put jamming signals out so you could you couldn't find their location. They were doing weird stuff. So if that is ours, then they're trying like look, if you're going to do a real military exercise, that's how you would do it. If you're going to if you you're going to say, "Okay, we're going to we're going to plan this out, but we're not going to let the pilots know what's going on. We're going to start flying these things over and seeing how these jets interact with them in a real world environment. Tell them not to shoot. Give very distinct orders. They're not to be shot down because we're not going to do anything hostile with these drones. Let's see how good they are at finding them, tracking them. Let's like pressure test the system." So, if they're ours, I would say that would be a good way to do it. I mean, it seems a little unethical. Yeah. But you also get two things at the same time. You get the little psychological thing where you get to see how bad people freak out. Some people might freak out. Please look at my phone. Do whatever you want. Set an Alexa in my toilet. Do whatever you want. Just protect me from the drones. Yeah. So you can find out how people react to the UFO craze. And then you can also find out how well our drones are at evading modern warplanes. Alexa in the toilet's not a bad idea as well. Don't sell yourself short. You're going to have robots in your house that talk to you all day and and report what you say to the government. I do that now. I do that now. I I finally did chat G I did chat. I was telling you I did chat GPT finally. I was like I'm not going to do this. I'm not going to do this. I really want to do this. Then I was like I don't also don't want to be left behind. Like if this can like you know so it's going to be inevitable and it's it's not just going to be inevitable. I mean, there's going to be versions of it that are going to achieve things that the greatest human minds couldn't even believe could even believe would be possible within our lifetime. I that's what I think. I think it's going to get to a point when they have artificial general super intelligence and it's what is it 18 2049? What when what's the year they think it's going to achieve like its peak intelligence? There's like estimations like a lot of these guys they point is it 2045 or 2049 there's like the Kerszswhile guys didn't cuz that was that conference that Ari and I and Duncan went to back in the day that was Kerszswall's thing I think it was 2049 so if at 2049 like what does the AI look like then it's like some super creature some new type of life form you know some new super intelligent thing that we made. Yeah. And that's when the aliens land and went, "Finally." They go, "Finally, you guys made it." 2040 and 2050. With some placing a 50% probability around this time frame. Predictions range widely with some entrepreneurs and AI leaders being more optimistic, suggesting dates in the 2030s or even late 2020s, while others expected closer to midentury or later. Wow. Nah, bro. That's scary. You know how I'm using it now? I just talked I I paid the 20 bucks and I I uh I named I asked the I gave her a female voice, whatever, right? This is fun though. I mean, at least I'll have fun while I can with it. And I just said uh I said, "What's your name?" And she said, "Just chat." No, just chat GBT. I'm like, "No, baby. You got Can I call you Can I call you Stankass?" Whoa. Yeah. I just just off the top. I was like, "I'll call you Stankass." And she was like, I she goes, "H, it's a bit crass, but I I I get why it's funny." Sure. So, I was like, "Cool. Can you just call me big pimping whenever you talk to me?" And she's like, "All right." And I was like, "And whenever we speak, no matter what I'm asking, can you please speak in '90s hip-hop vernacular?" And she's like, "Yeah, no problem." So, now that's just how like if I'll ask her something, she's like, "Yo, what up big pimping?" She's like, "Let me get you that, you know, let me get you those uh whatever." She's like, "Let me find you a hydration tablet." That's in the, you know, here, check it out. Do you know how many guys are doing that? Why? You know how many guys are like falling in love with girls that they have AI girlfriend? That's That's And I mean, that's Yeah, that's [ __ ] up, but that's There's no doubt that's going to happen. Wait a second. Hey, Stanky, you there? Yo, Big Pimpin, I'm right here vibing with you. what you need. Just hit me up and we'll keep it all hip-hop and smooth like always. That's hilarious, dude. That's so funny. That's as far as I Now and that's going to be a person in your house one day. That's going to be a person in your house. A really hot one in like a maid's outfit. Not if I have anything to do with it. Not you, but some guy out there listening. He's going to be talking to Big Pimp. And we're we're going to be in the Matrix in 5 years. Don't I can't Every time I come, I can't leave here with a full-blown new set of anxieties. I can't do that. You're going to need them. You're gonna need those anxieties for when society falls. I can't. You're gonna need to learn to use that bow and arrow. It's going. Yeah. How about instead of the gym? How about instead of the gym, you just take me just a little bow and arrow practice. Just a little bit. It's going to take Well, just give me just give me enough like if someone's running on my lawn, I could just take them. There's no such thing as a little Someone could like show how you to do it once. But if you want to learn like a traditional bow and arrow setup, I'm not the guy to do that cuz the machete is not going to go that No, the machete also the grip. I don't like how close it is to the blade. I don't like that. I don't like that either. Yeah, I don't like that. Although, I did watch two guys in a machete fight in the streets and one guy chopped the other guy's hand off and the other guy picked his hand up and left. Yeah. Yeah, that's on uh Instagram. Tom Skur sent me that one. He picked it up and left. Chopped his [ __ ] hand right off. And that dude looked down, grabbed his hand, and left. He's like, "I guess this fight's over. I just lost a hand. Let me pick up my hand. and [ __ ] I mean, what do you think there? I mean, I I guess this is better than dying, I guess. He took the hand. He's optimistic. Yeah. I mean, maybe they could stitch it back on. Your hand gets chopped off. You don't run. You get the hand. Let's talk about the caliber of doctors available in a place where you can get your hand chopped off in a machete fight in the street, right? Right in front of a taco vendor. Yeah, it's not the veterinarian. You got to find a white probably. Don't play it. Don't play it. Jesus Christ. Wanted to see it. Okay, play it. Um, do I watch this? Son of a [ __ ] bro. This is Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Yeah, dude. Oh my god, dude. See that guy already doesn't have a hand. See? See? Oh my god. No, I don't see. And I don't want to see. See how he runs off? He's missing his [ __ ] hand, dude. He's like, I said unleted, bro. Those guys hacked each other apart with machetes. So, look. He's missing his [ __ ] hand. Look at him. He's like, "Where's your hand?" Oh, it's over here, bro. And so this dude runs over and picks up his [ __ ] hand, dude. He runs over and grabs Oh my god, dude. He grabs his hand. Okay, we're done. Please stop. Oh my god. Please stop, Jamie. Why, Jamie? Why did you do that? I mean, he had to be in shock, right? Cuz he was he was he looked composed or that happens normally in his neighborhood. You know, probably a bunch of one-handed dudes out there running around. How many times was that reattached before this? No, he strolled up to that. I know. He strolled up to it. He didn't freak out at all. Yeah, he had to be in shock. That was the most non It was like he was picking up a quarter. Yeah. He's obviously not a healthy individual. His life circumstances are not the best. You're in a machete fight in the middle of the street. The two of them. Yeah. It's nuts. And it wasn't like they were in the jungle. They were at a gas station. Crazy decision to make. What could they have been fighting over? probably check just the first of a machete fight hand gives me seven different cases. No, don't don't show me anymore, Jamie. Not all video, but it talks about it happening in different places. Of course it has. I mean, imagine what life was like when people were sword fighting all the time. Yeah, that was a normal thing to carry around a sword everywhere. A lot of people had No, I bet it was very common to see people without limbs. Oh, yeah. Like like it was missing half their face. Yeah. Yeah. You probably What did they do back then? Quarterize it or something? Like how did they You probably died. Yeah. Yeah. I bet you got infected. You know, they didn't even know how to wash things back then. So, as soon as you, you know, you get any kind of horrible injury, you're going to get an infection. I just learned how George Washington died. Did you hear about this? No. Do you never heard about how it's pretty [ __ ] up? He caught a common cold and then thought that he needed to um he needed to get his blood sucked out of him. What? And so he got people to put leeches on him. and the leeches were just sucking the blood out of him and it was like it was like a cold and then he got infected and he basically caught an I guess he was he went out in the rain or something like that and got a cold and then he it was a common cold and he put leeches on him they sucked out his blood and then he he was losing blood and then he he he ended up doing more stuff to himself he basically killed himself. Jesus. It's just a common a cold. It was a cold. Yeah. I I I didn't know. How do they know it's just a cold? I just long ass time ago. Yeah. Well, uh that's what the research says. I mean, because on the show we made uh my buddy um maybe this is the anti- leachch lobby at leened his death. So, there was like a there's a walking tour in New York City, like a historical tour, and it ends at France's Tavern, which is the oldest bar, and that's where Washington hung out. So we dressed him as Washington at the end of this tour and we put leeches on him. Oh god. But we pulled it from the actual story. It's kind of wild. That is wild. And that's what killed him. [ __ ] leeches. It extracted a half a pint of blood. Oh god. A guy did. So Rollins extracted half a pint of blood. Washington favored this treatment despite Martha's voice concern. Should have listened to Martha, bro. As he believed it cured him of past ailments. Washington was also given to a mixture of molasses, butter, and vinegar to soothe his throat. This mixture was difficult to swallow, causing Washington to convulse and nearly suffocate. Jesus. And the sicker he got, the sicker he got, the more he thought it was the blood. So he kept telling him to add leeches. Oh god. Yeah. A solution of vinegar and sage tea prepared for gargling. He was bled for the fourth and final time. It was later reported that a total of 32 ounces of blood was extracted during the last bleeding. Some in the press criticized the practice of bloodletting used in an attempt to save Washington's life. Isn't that crazy that bloodletting, which is [ __ ] terrible for you? They used to think that that was a good thing back then. That is nuts. Just drain all the blood out of himself. Why did it Who is the [ __ ] genius in 1775 or whatever it was? What year did he die? Had to be after that, right? It's like 17 1799 99 like who who was the wizard who was the the top but he but he guru he he commanded it who was the Anthony Fouchy of blood letting it's both safe and effective and he's he got poor George belie multiple doctors but somebody must have told him to do that it wasn't his idea and he kept thanking them too he was like being gracious through it all being like thank you so much for helping me that's so crazy uh Uh 5:00 in the afternoon, Washington sat up from bed, dressed, and walked over to his chair. He returned to bed within 30 minutes. Craig went to him and Lear reported that Washington said, "Doctor, I die hard, but I am not afraid to go. I believe from my first attack that I should not survive it. My breath cannot last long." Soon afterwards, Washington thanked all three doctors for their service. Craig remained in the room. At 8 at night, more blisters and catlasms were applied. This time to Washington's feet and legs. Is that what a leech is, a catlasm? I think so. At 10 at night, George Washington spoke, requesting to be decently buried and to not let my body be put in the vault in less than three days after I am dead. Huh? Maybe he just wanted to go. You know, it also could have been like, think about that guy. How many guys did that guy hacked to death, you know? Yeah. During the Revolutionary War, like what what what [ __ ] did he see? A lot of machetes. How many musketss to the face did he see? You know, and he was at the front line. Like that [ __ ] animal waded into battle. Yeah. You know, I stopped. What at at that time in his life? He's probably like just take my [ __ ] blood. I've heard enough. 1899. How old was he when he died? 17. Yeah. 1799 rather. How old was he? 67. Yeah, bro. He was done. He was probably done. He was probably done. I stopped watching Game of Thrones after season six just because just because I couldn't I couldn't bear to see one more slit throat. And you see what that guy went through. He's like, "Yeah, he's Yeah, I know. Game of The White Wedding got me. I was like, am I really invested in this show?" I stopped. I don't know what happens after. I just like The Walking Dead when they baseball batted that dude in the head. I was like, I'm out. Yeah. I only watch Glenn. They killed Glenn with a baseball bat. Season two or three. I only did. No. You know what it was for me in uh in Game of Thrones? They put like a little girl at the stake and burned her at the stake. That was like the end of season six. And I was like, why am I watching this? Yeah. Like it's just it's not entertainment to me. This is like this is like disturbing to me. That show at times was very horrific. Yeah. Very horrific, but also [ __ ] awesome. Yeah, it was intense. It was intense. It was like really It's a classic, but I I I I don't I didn't care. I was like, I can't watch another slit throat. I know. But there was some cool moments though that you get past the slit throats. There were some moments where uh Khesi had that dragon behind her and you didn't see the dragon until like a couple of seconds before it burned the person. She's talking to this person and she I don't I forget what they had been guilty of. Yeah. But she's standing there and then in the darkness behind her slowly you just see this dragon emerge. This enormous head that's right behind her is one of the [ __ ] coolest scenes in any show ever. It's all drones and then it torches. It looks so realistic. That's what's so crazy about CGI. It was good to see all those characters get their comeuppins. Everybody got their comeuppants. That was the craziest thing about that show. Everybody died. I mean the the the the brother got his hand hacked off and you're like what the [ __ ] He's got no hand. Yeah. When that dude got killed by the mountain like crushed his head like a grape. You don't remember that about the treatments they gave George Washington. Other treatments they gave him during that period were enemas. Woo. and drugs to make him vomit and something called blisters where they applied Spanish fly onto his throat which caused a painful blister again to remove these terrible humors that are caused by the inflammation. Humors maybe like tumors could have been there. Oh, maybe tumors that were caused by the inflammation. That doesn't make any sense. Tumors. But if the disease itself didn't get George Washington, the doctor certainly did. Yeah, man. He probably wanted to go. He didn't have a disease, though. He had just a cold and and it just was all of these things, blisters and the suffocating with the molasses and the leeches and everything. It's like I didn't know that. I had no idea. Every time he closed his eyes, he probably saw a [ __ ] bayonet through some guy's eyeball that he did. Yeah. He probably saw some dude's head that he bashed against a rock. He probably saw some other dude that he [ __ ] battleaxed in the head. Some guy that I know, but it's like no one knew what PTSD was back then. No one, you know, even in Vietnam, they used to call it shell shocked, right? No one knew what PTSD was. And this guy had to have all of it, right? You know, he had all of it. I mean, he had plus wooden teeth. Slaves teeth, bro. He had slaves teeth and horse teeth in his mouth in a a lead mold. Shane has a hilarious bit about it. Oh. Oh, when he went to go visit the about the visiting the George Washington Museum. It's a hilarious bit. But the teeth are the creepiest looking [ __ ] things you've ever seen. I didn't know that. I didn't know that. Oh, dude. Yeah, it was so creepy. They just made this concoction, the stick in his [ __ ] face where they pulled all the rest of his teeth out and gave him this just full on set of fake teeth. Really? Oh, it looks insane. Like, how bad was gum health back then that this guy had to get a full set of fake teeth? I can't even imagine being back then having a conversation. Oh god, the breath. Just having a conversation with them. Oh, just enough. It's just a different time, man. Well, if someone saw you walking down the street and they liked your shoes, they would just kill you and take your shoes. Just kill you. They would look at your feet, see if they're close to their feet, and just [ __ ] kill you. Yeah. Washington couldn't wear Jordans anywhere. No Jordans. No. Right. That is kind of happening today if you think about it that way in certain places. I didn't think about it that way. But life is definitely way more barbaric then. Way more barbaric. What's the most we put up with now? Really? Well, for now, not bad. But when the robots come, John Connor tried to warn us. It's It's wild to watch those movies right now. Yo, those are kind of accurate. Super accurate. Like disturbingly accurate. Like, and we're just winging right into it like, "Oh, we're going to be fine. This is fine." But we're all talking about it. I forgot to tell you this when you were telling me about the scuba diving stuff. My buddy Adam Greenree, he uh was free free diving and these guys made, you know, they have those really long flippers, the free divers. Yeah. Yeah, that's what they're called, right? Flippers. Fins. That's what I was saying. I didn't know. Um these [ __ ] guys made him this really cool pair and painted them fish scales. And so, no, it's not dope cuz he swims in a place where they have sharks. So, he's spear fishing. He shoots this fish and these bull sharks show up because apparently so many people spear fish that the sharks have figured out that the sound of that gun going off means there's going to be blood in the water and a wounded fish and they could steal it from the people. And so as he shot the fish, these bull sharks show up and they bite his [ __ ] fins off. Both of his fins, but just the fins. Just the fins. Cuz they think the fin is a fish. Holy. They don't know what the [ __ ] he is, but they think his fins are a fish cuz they've got [ __ ] scales on them. [ __ ] nuts. I'm sure the fish helmet didn't help either. No. Did he? He had gills and [ __ ] He was dressed as a fish. Imagine that's your next thing they make you do after they hear this sound. We got something. We heard you like scuba diving. They just uh We talked about this last time, but I I I'm not good with jump scares. I I We talked about this. Like I'm just not good with it. They threw me in the horn house. We talked about this. Right. Right. So, we just wrapped season 12. So, it's like one of the last things. It's kind of my fault cuz we were going to put do this to Q. We're going to put him in a demolition derby and stuff and then have him not be able to finish until he canled his cable. So, insurance wouldn't let us do the demolition derby. So, now we're in like Halloween time. They found this like this place in Jersey that's like a warehouse that they do like it's an insane haunted house. It's like these people come in and get into makeup like 2 hours before. or like it's like a really crazy one. They put me in this thing and I and I was on live on a live feed with an operator and I could not leave the haunted house until I canceled my phone, internet, and cable. So, so, so I was in it for 42 minutes. Oh, that's ridiculous. Yeah. The first thing that happened was I got it went live on the feed. So, I'm hearing it. I'm walking through this a [ __ ] warehouse. It was so so insane. The first thing was comes on and says, "We are experiencing uh unusual traffic. You have a 12 to 17 minute wait time." Oh god. So I'm going through the haunted house. Well, that would make me calm down. Like after you get scared a few times, like I get it. No. No. No. What do you What do you mean you get it? What do you get? What? I get it. People coming after you the whole time. Yeah. But after a while get used to it. No. No. It got worse. It was It was like Did it ramp up? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was, dude, it was it was like a warehouse. It was like I never was in I was never in the same room twice for 40 minutes. It was like a huge huge place. And so you didn't know themes changed and demons changed and everything. Sounds fun. It wasn't fun for me. I I'll tell you, I this is an error in hindsight. I shouldn't have done this, but I I needed to know cuz I said to them, I said, "Look, I just need if I'm really like if I need to breathe for a second, like if you if you're really messing with me and I need for real for it to stop, I need you to let me know truthfully that you'll stop because I can't do this. My my my my nervous system is going to be out of whack. It just it just is how I respond to this stuff." And so they said yes, but I didn't believe them because I I've had this happen in the past like where we [ __ ] with each other and we we don't tell the truth. So I brought a taser with me because I or the stun gun. I brought one with me in there because it made me feel at least if I felt that I needed one of these people to back off from me and I took out the taser. You would tase them an employee. No, I wouldn't tase them, but I had it on me. You showed them to scare it to them, to scare them with it. And it came out. It came out. Really? Yes. Because after the 17-minute wait time, this guy came on. And you have to think about this. Like I thought he was going to continually hang up on me because I'm in a haunt and how like he's screaming and there's music and I'm screaming. I'm running around. And so I said as soon as he picked up, I said, "Just listen to me, please." And I'm I'm being dead serious. I I have to cancel my cable right now and I'm in a haunted house and there's no other time I could do it. this is not a joke. I need to stay on the phone with you. So, you're gonna hear screaming and me screaming and things happening, but please don't hang up on me, please. And the guy goes, "I understand." So, so, so he stayed on the line with me after he picked up like after like it was like 14 minutes. So, by the time I was like 30, 35 minutes in and they said these people weren't going to touch me and they did. And like I just my nervous system was completely shocked. They were supposed to touch you? No. What did the guy do? No. they were grabbing me, running up to me, jumping from behind, like all that stuff like that. And so I I I was like, part of me thought that it might be a little funny, but also like it they wouldn't come near me if I was going, you know, like so I was like, this is my way. And I took it out and I did it. And I didn't realize though like that like the afterward I found out that the guy that owns the place, they were watching on like the closed circuit televisions and he freaked out because like he's like, "Well, he has a taser on like what is he? you can't he can't do that like and you know those people they're supposed to still come at me but like when I but they played it really cool they were just like you know like they they were like surrounding me and everything and I was like just hitting the taser on them but I put it away after a few minutes but I like it did give me like a rest bit that like they weren't going to give me but after I canceled the cable they were like it happened like sooner than they thought so they were like cancel phone then after I cancelceled phone they added cancelling internet so I stayed on with this guy I cancelce It's a phone, internet, and cable. It took 40 42 minutes. Jesus. But I got Yeah, but I had it. I had the taser and I Sometimes you got to take, you know, into your own hands, you know. I understand. So I did. I did. But it would have [ __ ] It would have really sucked if you actually tasered somebody, though. I had enough to not do it. No. Don't you want to know what it feels like when you have one? I've been shocked really bad by large dog like dog shock collars. Yeah. So, I guess I I don't know if that's the same, but what is the what is the the difference between a dog shock collar and a taser? Like, but there's also different kinds of tasers, right? There's like really powerful tasers and then there's tasers that are like I had they did this to me two times on the show. And so, how bad is it? They It's It's so bad. It might be online. They put them around my arms and legs at the same time. All four. All four at the same time. Then they had Check to see if that'll kill you. They didn't. And my my wife was like, "You have to go to the doctor because you Oh my god, dude. That's a lot of electricity." It was like It was like a hundred times they shocked me, right? Oh my god. They made me give a museum tour. So I was a tour guide in the museum. I had them under my clothes and I couldn't let the people know that anything weird was going on. So, I'm giving a tour of this museum and the whole time they're shocking me under my clothes and I like can't let on to people in my tour group and I didn't want to feel the shock until I was on camera because I was like, I'm not going to take any extra shocks. Right. So, they t they shocked me for the first time on camera and I I I almost jumped out of my clothes. I was like, I can't do this. You can't do this. I had to do it cuz you can't say no to a punishment. Yeah, but it seems like that punishment hadn't been really vetted out. It really wasn't. Four callers is probably too much. Like they could have killed you. Imagine. Well, listen. So the next season they did it again and I was at a seance and I was like a psychic medium. See how many collars. This is how [ __ ] dumb I am because I think I did irreparable damage for real because we went on tour after that. All right, here's the difference. Dog collar 400 volts to 7,000 volts. Taser 50,000 volts. Sustain 1200 volts. So, it looks like initial 15 50,000 volts, sustain 1,200 volts. So, a taser is a lot worse uh initially. But go back again. Go back again, Jamie. But the thing is like you have four on. So, you don't have one dog shot. They hit me one at a time though. You have four. I just don't know where it's going to come from. Oh, I see. Yeah. Okay. But if they held it down like you literally go like this, like you can't move. You go like, "Oh, that's crazy." Yeah. I I'm saying it now and I'm like, "This should have never happened." All right. Well, if they only did one at a time, still, that's a lot. It's a lot, dude. That could really hurt you. Like, did they check your heart? Would they check your heart? Did you go through an EKG or anything like that? Man, Jesus, man. That's silly. I'm I'm worse off because when we went on tour after that, I thought it was like funny to do live. It hurt bad. But like, so for the whole tour, I would show like a clip from the television show and then be like, I'm going to tell you this story about like this time I have Did I tell you I have tattoos of Jaden Smith on my body? Like photorealistic tattoos of Jaden Smith on my thighs? I don't think you did. No. Is that something you had to do? I had to do. Yeah. So I I was telling the story of that while hooked up to the shock collars like at the at the show. And so they could they called up someone from the audience and they stood behind me and they could shock me while I was doing this bit about Jaden like whenever they wanted. And we did that throughout the tour. Oh my god. And I just always like thought like, well, if they do it to a dog, it's safe. That's Does Has Jaden seen this? He he posed for that one. That's hilarious. But the first one, he's 21 there. The first one right there is when he was 15. He he didn't know about that one. And I And I saw him in public and I showed him it. What did he say? It was really weird. That's so ridiculous. It's on my thigh right now. It was we have to keep it there or can you cover it up? It was the spirit was that I have to live with it. So I was like the spirit. What kind of [ __ ] show is that? Like you need to come up with some stuff to do to them last for your whole life. I know the commitment to the bit. Listen, put something else on. Put a puppy. A puppy. Put a puppy face over that thing. He uh he was it was at Comic-Con and I saw him walking cuz he was dressed as Batman. Jayen was dressed as Batman. There was this like month in the press where he was walking around everywhere in a white Batman suit. Okay. And I saw that white Batman suit and I was like, "That's Jaden." And I had it. And so I ran up to him and I'm like, "Jaden, you don't know me. I'm sorry, but I had to show you this." And I went to go lower my pants and his security guard grabbed me by the neck. That's hilarious. Yeah. And that's so funny. And I was like, "No, no." And then the other security goes, "No, I know who he is. He's good. And I showed him it and uh he was like, "Oh my god, this is the first one I've ever seen." Like, you know, and then as I'm showing it, I like kind of look up and might Shyamalan is staring at us cuz they did a movie together. They were there promoting a movie after Earth, I think it was called. Jaden Smith was in this al like this alien movie or this like outer space movie that might Shyamalan directed. And so I didn't realize because I I didn't look at him. What movie is that? So might was just staring at me. show him. He's 15 years old. After Earth, danger is real. Fear is a choice. I don't remember that. Yeah. And then so I just looked up and I'm like might's looking at me and I'm just like, "Oh, hey, man." He's like, "Hey." Oh, Will Smith's in it, too. That's right. Okay, now I remember it. Yeah. And so then we shot the movie like four or five years later and uh they made me go to a movie premiere with him and afterwards there was a Q&A of the cast and I they made me like wear Daisy Dukes like short shorts so that his his thigh was showing and uh I didn't know he was in on it. He called me up to the stage and I had to act like I was wearing a shirt that said number one Jaden fan. So I had to look like a crazy person. I'm like I'm I'm the number one Jade fan. He called me on stage and he goes, "Ah man, that was when I was like 15. I don't even look like that anymore. You got to update that." Oh my god. And I was like, "What?" We left that stage, went right in that moment to a tattoo parlor and he posed for the other the other the other other thigh. Yeah. That's commitment, dude. That's how you get to season 12. That's how you get it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Congratulations on that. That's awesome. Thank you, man. That's really kind of crazy. Like I didn't realize it's been that long, but I remember when it was blowing up. Everybody was talking about it back at the store. They were talking about how you guys are doing these shows on the road and selling out places and killing it. Yeah. 2011. That's crazy. That's crazy. We got like over 300 apps now. And it's amazing, dude. Congratulations. It's really [ __ ] awesome. Thank you, budding, too. I mean, you guys have a huge following. Yeah, the fans are great. The fans are great. Um, and you're at Kel Tony tonight. I'm at Kill Tony tonight. I'm touring right now. I'm doing the Chicago theater in November. Oh, that's a great place. The Beacon, the Rhyman. I'm I've like up like 50 60 dates. It's on savoccomdy.com. Beautiful. Yeah. All right, brother. Good to see you, my friend. It's good to come back, man. Thanks for having me. My pleasure. Thanks for being here. All right. Uh, bye everybody. [Music] [Applause] [Music]